"Shit is necessary in today's cut-throat business society. Without shit, there would be no relief for frustrated, coprophile businessmen." - Dany responding to somebody saying "ARUUUUUGH I HATE SHIT!" % "It doesn't matter what your IQ is if you only use one point at a time" - arachne to a luser in #uk_goffs % Bring me my etherkiller; Oh clouds unfold! / Bring me the magic smoke of desire I shall not cease from mental fight / Nor shall my LART rest in my hand Till we have buried the bodies / Of all the lusers in all this land - rpg in ASR % I'll have to try and get an item written into the DR plan specifying a run to Krispy Kreme for sysadmin fuel, since it'd no doubt be a long night ahead. - adb in ASR % Plausible Deniability - a wonderful productivity tool. - Kellogs in ASR % ``Here, sanity ... niiiiiice sanity, come to daddy ... okay, that's a good sanity ... {*THWONK!*} _Got_ the bastard.'' - adb in ASR % "[The crap lusers install on windows slows it down, but] it's generally the lousy, third party, how-cheap-can-we-make-this-commodity-product drivers that fuck it up the arse with a badger." - hythloday in #uk_goffs % "She bored me rigid - but not often enough" - my father, on why he divorced his first wife % "You're trying to trick me into being intelligent. It won't work." - dpm in asr, in reply to me trying to convince him to 'use strict;' % How to spot if a luser is lying to you: Their lips move When to believe a luser: Never How to spot fucked-up software: Open eyes, focus on software - Dan Holdsworth in asr (paraphrased) % s/all-the-fucking-way'round/around until his truck's ass-end lead his truck, much as his ass was doing all the driving from the inside./ - Randy the Random improving on Gibson Hand in asr % "Stop your foul whining, you filthy piece of distended rectum" - Arnold J Rimmer, to himself % "MS ERP products are almost certainly a good replacement for PeopleSoft given the main strength of both seems to be serving 500 errors" - (paraphrased from slashdot) % ATC: Airliner 123, turn right 20 degrees for noise abatement. A123: Noise abatement? We are at FL310. ATC: Do you know how much noise it makes when two 737s collide? A123: Airliner 123 is turning right 20 degrees. % Do *not* go without sleep for this long: uee'hee/7'm'']] ww ki'm going to finish this and then go sle % "Looting Before Wenching". One should, at all times, keep one's priorities in order. First, profit. Once profit is taken care of, proceed to recreation (or, indeed, procreation). - Ingvar, in ASR % Sigmonster is away. please leave cookies after the beep. *BEEP* % "I get along really well with people, I just choose not to a whole lot of the time." - Snoof, in #uk_goffs % "You could pop up a box that said 'Click here to be hit over the head with a salmon' with an 'Ok' button and at least half of the people that it was presented to would quickly click on 'Ok'." - David Gersic, in ASR % "What, you don't have an auto-aiming mangonel set up at the far end of the office? ... *WHOOSH* ... *WHAP!*" - geminii, automating salmon-to-luser-skull delivery in ASR % "Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder" (correcting transcription "The penis mightier than the sword" errors in common quotes "I came, I saw, she conquered" since 1983) % >When life gives you lemons... Make lemonade and find someone that life gave vodka? - Jim Richardson and Randy the Random in ASR % I'm not a goth, I just can't afford the colour license *this sig for rent* % The Internet is totally out of control, impossible to map accurately, and being used far beyond its original intentions. So far, so good. - Dr. Dobb's Journal, May 1993 % Perl's a language. She starts up/when she serves the pages in the server Perl's a language, she serves pages/for the lost and the lonely her job is entertaining geeks/serving warez and sex techniques/in the server - epitaph<|>lucretia % Logan Shaw's Zen of ASR Computing: free yourself of the desire to have computers work properly for this is the root of all suffering. % "Once one has achieved full endarkenment, one is happy to have an entirely nonfunctional computer" - Steve VanDevender, ASR % "Marketing are the people who hold the customers down while Sales screws them" - Phil Launchbury, ASR % "I once had a company give me a pager without any further instructions. It was kept on my desk, since that would ensure that it'd be with me 9-5 weekdays." - Peter Corlett, ASR % template<>basic_constreambuf::char_type * (*const basic_constreambuf ::copy_func)(char_type *, char_type const *, size_t len)=reinterpret_cast ::char_type *(* const)(char_type *, char_type const *, size_t)>(memcpy); // why C++ers don't golf % Two strings walk into a bar. The first string says "Hello, I'd like a rum and cokerhe795542kjn.,.43>>[][]?4" The second string says "Excuse my friend, he's not null-terminated" (paraphrased from bash.org quote 469064) % "I love the word 'ginormous'. I've only heard it spoken before. :) 'gino' should be the keyword for declaring 64-bit integers in C." - ofer nave on the cdbi-talk mailing list % "Did I mention that my nose is on fire, and I have fifteen wild badgers living in my trousers?" - Marcus Cole, Babylon 5 % "Everybody knows that the dice are loaded. Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed. Everybody knows the war is over. Everybody knows the good guys lost." - Leonard Cohen % Brick text, what a bitch Adhere to the haiku spec While the clock mocks me - AJS, ASR % "I want to give Tony Blair a caramel enema" - Fox, #uk_goffs % < chazter> batmop, hug * batmop SMASHES chazter's FUCKING FACE IN WITH A BRICK! - why batmop isn't as cuddly as he looks, #uk_goffs % < creighton> why do I find brick love disturbing? < arachne> because you are an uneducated heathen who doesn't understand < little_black_cat> a brick to the poon is a bit harsh for a newbie though < arachne> it's the best way to learn % "I have finally persuaded Candy that I actually DON'T need her to come round here and 'encourage' me to work - mostly by screaming 'if you dont fuck off right now I'll stab you with this awl'" - Ems, irc.fyrestorm.co.uk #chat % "... the Adobe Reader can suck the rind off of a watermelon at fifty meters." - solios commenting on jwz's LJ % "irc.perl.org#catalyst: home of the apocalyptic two wheeled scooter riders!" - sri wields /topic once again % /* 1 if by land, 2 if by sea, 0 if out of memory. not allowed to barf. */ % "You can't beat the video camera hooked up to a lava lamp as a proper source of random numbers ... in fact, I'm fairly sure I have a program for my Indy intended to do that somewhere" - paraphrased from lis0r in #uk_goffs % "Using Windows in place of a real operating system is like bringing a knife out to a tactical nuclear exchange." - James Riden in ASR "s/knife/fish/ but otherwise, yeah." - Jim's reply % "Overflow on datatype 'unsigned long' while indexing 'Windows Shit List'" - Jim in ASR "So *that's* what the 64-bit version is for!" - James Riden's reply % 'My attempts at saving seem to be punctuated with elementary errors along the lines of, "Let's buy this P4" or "Let's buy this car, it's black"...' - Timberwolf in #uk_goffs % "Might I suggest playing a little game? It's called 'Michigan Roulette', and you take a live grenade, shove it up your ass, pull the pin, and then make bets as to how few people will miss you when you become a fine red mist." - sclerotic_rings venting on LJ % "If anyone's looking for AJR, he's up there on the hilltop, wearing copper armour in a thunderstorm, screaming 'All MTAs Suck!'" - AdB "They told me it would function as a Faraday cage." - AJR % "Do me a favour? Find out who the lead devs on postgres are. Find out where they live. Then buy me a shotgun, some shell casings, and a LOT of rock salt." - Snoof venting on IRC % "Too many programmers code error messages as if their pay will be retroactively docked every time a user figures out what the problem is." - dpm on ASR % I AM LIST POPPER. IF SEEING ME, CALL IT SPORT % "HTTP really means, 'hentai text transfer protocol'" - Graham Reed in asr % "Drugs may go in and out of fashion but they rarely go out of use." - villagechick on LJ % "Bleach in the gene pool. It's the only way." - paraphrased from Will Hawkins % There are two infinite entities : the universe and human folly. I'm not yet sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein % "The United States of America is the only empire in history to have gone from Barbarism directly to Decadence, without any intervening period of Civilisation." - Oscar Wilde % "People used to come in with green-spiked hair and body piercings and say 'Where's my server?' and throw money at us." - Scott McNealy on the .com boom % "Epitaph kicks off the geckos and the thermophilae and fettles the AC again... There is no way this is 22 degrees centigrade... (for additional entertainment, it's the same system we use in the machine room)" - epitaph<|>lucretia % "Welcome to the World Wide Web - delivering unexpected penis since 1993!" - http://www.ghastlycomic.com/d/20050522.html % "We live in the interface between radioactive molten rock and hard vacuum and we worry about safety." -- Chris Hunt % <@mst> perl6 and lisp, on the same bytecode engine ... heaven :) <@sri> you're soo insane dude... - sri, trying once again to convince me I'm the evil one on #catalyst % "The business guys who did the most for Google were the ones who obligingly flew Altavista into a hillside just as Google was getting started" - Paul Graham in http://www.paulgraham.com/bronze.html % "I just realized yesterday that my friendly neighborhood Planned Parenthood is across the street from the Church of the Immaculate Conception." - vivalavivi getting metaquoted on LJ % "I find the best attitude is to treat programming like demon summoning: the target is at least as smart as you, must obey the letter of your commands, and hates you. Code accordingly." - dstorrs on irc.perl.org#catalyst % <@draven> the army's secret service is close to this lake too <@draven> there was a sign that said 'no pictures' <@draven> so I took a picture of it. - draven, tempting fate on #catalyst % 16:07 <@mst> did I just kill the right one? (sysadmin blues on #chat) 16:07 <@Snoof> holy god shit wtf. no! 16:07 <@Snoof> oh wait yes 16:08 <@Snoof> ok i'm going to shut up a moment. % 16:50 <@draven> guess I'd better get outta here. 16:50 <@gabb> Run Forrest, run! 16:50 * draven steps on gabbs toe on the way out - draven and gabb being silly on #catalyst % "How do you visualise a 17-dimensional space?" "Oh, that's easy. I just visualise an n-dimensional space and let n=17." - James Riden, re-treading an old maths joke on ASR % I must go to work. (wax_jism on LJ) I'd rather spork myself but I have no spork. So I must go to work. % "back in my day we had to walk to the trolls through fourteen feet of snow! and then eat them with our bare hands! we weren't even allowed to use our mouths!" - restriction going yorkshire on LJ % "...whilst shutting down windows: Desktop: There is not enough memory to run this program. Shut down one or more running programs..." - epitaph@lucretia % "Drugs. Drugs are the solution to this problem, but I have none except asprin produced in Czechoslovakia in 1968 and I have firm rule about self-medicating with pills that outlived their country of origin." - doqz on LJ % SWEARING VIOLENT SHOUTY SWEARING i'm going to kill things. (Snoof meets sql-ledger) % "CORBA being the distributed computing equivalent of a battleship anchor" - epitaph@lucretia % { package SubRef; sub AUTOLOAD { our $AUTOLOAD; my $meth = $AUTOLOAD; $meth =~ s/.*:://; shift->($meth, @_); } }; my $x = bless(sub { print join(' ',@_[0,2..$#_])."\n"; }, 'SubRef'); $x->Just(qw/Another Perl Hacker/); % Snoof: why does this installation instruction contain gabbling about a .exe? mst: Prob. cos it runs on Windaz and they've made the binary .exe everywhere Snoof: you're buying me a gun for our six month anniversary next month, right? % > I have very little knowledge of goats and I _really_ wish people would (Jim) > start to trust me on this. We trust your knowledge of goats. We also trust you *on* goats. We (Satya) don't trust you *with* goats. % "PUT THE GOAT QUOTE DOWN AND STEP AWAY FROM YOUR .SIG FILE, SIR!" - Jim reacts badly to my quotefiling his sexual pervsions in a.s.r % yeah, actually, that's a good idea well i was going to do it whether you said yes or no... but i thought you might like the illusion of choice. % "Sometimes a penis is _just_ a penis." - Jim, in a.s.r % < dennyd> I had one blue ear for a few days once < dennyd> that was annoying < dennyd> much more care applying the vaseline after that % <@draven> boogiewoogiewoogiewoogie <@mst> BoiNg wOinG <@sri> limbo! - #catalyst. don't ask. % I like these calm metal moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. % Epitaph makes Yet Another Unplanned Change to the network architecture Mst says: wait? you have planned changes? I don't remember mention of any Epitaph says: yes, but we never have time to implement them % "Asylum seekers have died in such circumstances. We chose to meet up and discuss the future of the internet." - Kieren McCarthy on an ICANN meeting % "'minor human errors' - Do they really exist? I've only seen the big ones that really screw things up." - Deadsetter on irc.scsys.co.uk % maybe you should just shave him completely. i think this time of year's a bit hot for sheep anyway. eeerrr. wrong window. % "If, on the other hand, you are suggesting that we replace our current Prime Minister with a houseplant, then I think it is an eminently sensible idea, and the houseplant will get my vote at the next election." - Rayner, in a.s.r % <@draven> "My mother was a tailor, she sewed my new blue jeans. My father was a warlock, down in New Orleans." <@draven> House of the WOW % "Volvos are hand-carved from lumps of exotic matter by cunning Swedes and cannot be destroyed by conventional weapons." - JoeB, in a.s.r % '... if I really need more than 160 characters, my phone has this bizarre secondary function whereby you can put someone's number in, hold the phone to your head, and in some way "talk" to them.' - jimbo, in #chat % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with cluebat. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with 3000 volts across the forehead. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with brick. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with canoe paddle. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with howitzer. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with tile from raised floor. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with 2x4. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with Imperial Assload of hungry ferrets. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with startling news. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % You ask MikeA an inane question. MikeA hits you with Orbital Anvil Delivery System. You die. Dump file (y/n)? % "I'd like to point out that I _did_ say everything I said, and my only regret is that I couldn't use a larger font." - Jim, in a thread of people disclaiming quote attribution in a.s.r % "Unfortunately the inventors of the Selenium high-voltage rectifier-sticks common in early-1960s TV sets have prior claim to the Smell-Emitting Diode." - Tanuki, in a.s.r % 12:48 < Purge> whats mod_apreq and do i need it? 12:50 <@draven> apache request handling 12:50 <@draven> it will make things faster, and more painful 12:50 <@draven> kinda like amphetamine. % A closed mouth gathers no foot. % "Actually, windows was probably sulking anyway - I've been running the laptop using sleep on lid close for three weeks so it hasn't been allowed to crash for a while" - mdk, on irc.scsys.co.uk % "I only had BIND working for a while, but then noticed that getting powerful electric anal discharges was funnier (and felt better)" - ank, on irc.perl.org % < Ems> person accusing me of pony abuse says "ive had horses 30 years, ive been trampled on, squished, scraped, had bones broken etc etc'... yeah, so your methods are working REALLY well huh! % both qmail and sendmail are involved, so really, bending reality wouldn't surprise me overmuch ... Or maybe it's cthulhu's influence... I/O fthagn! % * sri remembers autrijus crying for help on irc after he locked himself in a room at Leopold Toetsch's house :) % > A tangled cable is a happy cable. In that case some of mine are having way too much fun. They're into bondage for one thing. I think the switch is the sub. - RBW and Jim in a.s.r % I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson % Feudalism: It's your Count that Votes. Democracy: It's your Vote that Counts. Communism: Your Votes don't Count. Capitalism: The Lowest Bidder Counts your Votes. % > I see this going somewhere with a Bene Gesserit Dentist and a gum jabber... ... and turning into a weird-ass mashup of Little Shop and Dune? "Son, be a Mentat / You have a talent for using your brain!" - prwade and Steve V in a.s.r % "Red Hat are a fine vendor of honeypots, but I'm not quite sure why people use it as an operating system." - pndc in irc.scsys.co.uk#chat % "I come from a generation where the name Dick Van Dyke doesn't immediately make you think of a website" - Nick Roberts, in the Yorkshire House % <@mst> mooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <@dngor> Hello, sir. I'm with Homeland Security. We noticed your cow was ticking, so we took it out back and detonated it. Here is your watch. % > The basic, bare bones pedal has nothing to keep the foot on the pedal. ... except for 100kg of BOFH, in my case. It appears to be enough. - Peter Corlett replying to Stuart Lamble in a.s.r % >> Look up Flying Spaghetti Monster. >May all your networks be touched by His Noodly Appendage. Ramen. - Pete Stephenson, Satya, and Jasper Janssen in a.s.r % 1950: Communist 1960: Peacenik 1970: Socialist 1980: Welfare Cheat 1990: Paedophile 2000: Terrorist They're all out to get you. Who do you want to demonize today? - Brian Kantor in a.s.r % Hey, the world ain't 10,000 years old? :( Only if you believe the mice had to patch and reboot it. the world actually reboots very quickly now, because it has journaling See, you took my Douglas Adams joke, and you got Linux all over it. % Not _everything_ I do is obscene. But I'm working on that. - greed in a.s.r % <@perigrin> You live in a country where the largest natural disaster is the burger at the pub. :) * perigrin pines for .uk % < bda> It's not the Canadians' fault that their best link is a couple of moose with tin cans and a wire... % >> Where can I buy a complete set of metric wenches? (MikeA) >It depends. What will you use as a measuring stick? (Shmuel Metz) My own personal dipstick, had it forever. (Kevin Goebel) % "What happens nine months later is that the process daemonizes, and detaches from its controlling terminal. Then it execs." - Dave Brown on POSIX reproduction in a.s.r % As long as you're in wheel, you're never unarmed. - Kurt von Finck in a.s.r % "SFX GEEK 2: [We] got a freakishly tall Dutchman to wave [Keanu Reeves] around on a stick while we shot at him. This got boring after a while, but the shrieks of pain did tend to relieve the boredom." % "Does a non-Euclidean lubricant make Kleinalingus more enjoyable?" - Steve VanDevender in a.s.r % "When you have a trebuchet, every bear's a potential drop bear." - Chris Hacking in a.s.r % < joel> it was like working in an industrial club in a freezer < joel> except without the munted cyberkids. - joel on exodus @ park royal, on irc.scsys.co.uk#chat % <@ningu> I would say the evolution of computers in the last 35 years is a fairly logical evolution from PDP to PGP to PHP <@ningu> PPP came much earlier, it was envisioned first by beethoven <@ningu> in his fifth symphony which began: pppd % Were I not taken, and she not taken, and if she were keen on the kind of hallucinogen that makes me look fit, I'd *totally* have her in the palm of my hand. or something. - DeathBoy, making no sense at all in #uk_goffs % 21:12 the only difference was the virgin of apache 21:12 1.3.33? 21:12 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 21:13 bollocks. % 08:56 <@gellyfish> eek! windmill had forgotten what it was called 08:57 <@osfameron> windmills! 08:57 -!- osfameron is now known as DonOsfamerote 08:58 <@DonOsfamerote> charge! % -!- mode/#uk_goffs [+b *!*@213.249.157.68] by Samoth -!- Chavet [jirc@213.249.157.68] has quit [Local kill by Samoth (Lame)] -!- chavette [jirc@213.249.157.68] has quit [Local kill by Samoth (Also lame)] % # mysql is stupid and drops connections. Tell it to stalk the database. never # let it out of its sight. Never. - chisel on irc.perl.org#catalyst % < epitaph_> afaics the pope selection process is something like a diesel engine: black smoke dead, white smoke OK % -!- chansen [~chansen@h106n2c1o1099.bredband.skanova.com] has quit [Quit: sleep, sleep, yeah right. perhaps vermouth helps?] % <@drforr> WHEN WILL JESUS BRING THE PORK CHOPS? <@dngor> Dude. He can't do that. He's Jewish. He'll go to hell. % <@quicksilver> and sometimes when someone in #cat is being really clueless what you really want to type is % Jan 15 10:53:44 sshd[11861]: Invalid user sex from 194.242.112.103 % <@dngor> So fucked. I just blew out /usr/bin and /usr/local/bin. <@dngor> I had a script that switches between different versions of Perl. It contained a bug. <@dngor> I'll need to recover it from backup to find out what that was. % < ningu> The audio is glitchy, the framerate is low; the best version came out a long time ago. The audio's been glitchy on everything I've tried; with the hardware I've got it's not justified. % < Doc> it's a conditioned response. deny everything first, then think <@Snoof> i agree, Doc, except for the last two words % "Sometimes all it takes to restore sanity is for theory to meet reality head on..." -- Mr. T., W9LBB % "The world would be a better place if all software croaked when anyone used any kind of indentifier that wasn't [A-Za-z][A-Za-z0-9_]+" -- blblack in magnet#dbix-class % * mst fires the 10-gauge <@dngor> Quack quack quack! [RECEDES] <@mst> your hairline is a duck? <@dngor> And at this point also a cover. % < mooli> Other people use their bleepers to find their car, I just stand around and wait for the clang of something falling off. % < joel> i just caught myself thinking "ooh, i know that tune" < joel> and whistling along < joel> it's the bloody hotel fax machine. < joel> AAAARGHHHHH % < holoway> I was going to dig deeper into that bug over the weekend, but then got hit by a drunk driver. silly drunk drivers. % * mugwump will hopefully be the owner of 2404:130:d00b::/48 soon ;) % Bathroom window wide Rain on wind, South-easterly Cold wet willy grief % * ubu ->lunch('turkey sandwich'); * Nacho -> breakfast('http://victoria.openguides.org/Pluto%27s'); * ct ->dada("Pig eye puppy hat. Blue."); % * castaway deploys sandwiches < nigel> ALTER sandwich ADD FILLING mustard... % < jwang> although there are a lot of PHP developers out there, if you ask for OO PHP developers, I think there may be less than OO Perl devs <@phaylon> it's hard enough to find ones that can work without register_goblins % <@phaylon> people who use "MATCH" as column name in mysql should be shot in two parts with a nailgun % Tiamo gets *very* drunk and then something crashes: 4 days Anakata gets a really bad cold and noone is around: 7 days The US and Swedish gov. forces the police to steal our servers: 3 days (PirateBay downtime report) % < nothingmuch> aha < nothingmuch> i see my vast army of doc minions have been hard at work < nothingmuch> on other stuff < nothingmuch> YOU'RE ALL FIRED % <@phaylon> damnit. I just wrote "my $font-weight =" in my css file % <+phaylon> well, I'm in hamburg and I want it more quietly :) <+ningu_> that sounds mildly obscene <+phaylon> is that a bad thing? :) % <@Nicholas> is there a STFU option for Firefox? <@Nicholas> I object to my web browser making noises when I click on links % <@claco> programming without an f key is insane <@claco> it works about one out of ever 10 hard presses... <@claco> an no room or a big phat model M on the cophee table <@claco> iph (1) {phoreach} % At work we've kind of renamed that command. When spoken it comes out something like "arr-em-dash-arr-star-hands-off-keyboard-stop-and-think" :) - Ben Buchanan commenting on http://www.veen.com/jeff/archives/000899.html % < joel> my second thought, after "do they have polar bears?" was "what about broadband?" % < gbjk_home> When something like this becomes stable.. it's like have a permanent bridge between cliffs made out of compliant butterflies % Day changed to 07 Jul 2006 < Penguin> ooh, it's 07/07/07 today < Penguin> ernm. fuck. * Penguin goes away to fix his clock % <@perigrin> echo '0.02 - It's different from 0.01' >> Changes.txt % * castaway pounces on mst * Penguin pounces on castaway and flattens mst * castaway tosses Penguin off < Penguin> mm fish % <@dngor> You could also put it on the end and pop it off. % "So we had a bug in our session management stored procs... When anyone logged out, it invalidated all sessions! We had ... where session_id = session_id instead of where session_id = u_session_id. "The thing is, in single user mode, you don't notice :)" % * dstorrs blows the Dread Manager's Whistle of Acrimonious Team Member Separation, +5 % <@dstorrs> "May you live in interesting times, may powerful people notice you, and may the phone company work diligently on your lines." % <@denny> "Yes, firefox is indeed greater than women. Can women block pop-ups for you? No. Can Firefox show you naked women? Yes." % * kd searches to a sane file format to convert a ppt slide into <@kd> /dev/null comes to mind % -!- voidengineer [i=manchine@71.93.6.193] has joined #foobarbaz < voidengineer> hey < voidengineer> I guess I need another test channel -!- voidengineer [i=manchine@71.93.6.193] has left #foobarbaz [] % <@denny> hehe <@denny> my two top matches on okcupid today are a couple * denny messages them both :) % * jguenther saw Tool in Edmonton on Friday < holoway> jguenther, I saw Tool last night in George, WA <@waswas> holoway: I saw tool in my hands last night. What a coincidence. % <@darobin> Ugly is the key to Web 3.0 <@baud_deck> haha <@baud_deck> SPIKY CORNERS % <@mst> DONGS < jshirley> WHERE IS MY AUTOMOBILE <@mst> INSERTED IN YOUR HARGLUAHGLAUAHGLUAHA < jshirley> IT MUST RUN ON BIODIESEL. % <@captainL> i'm not really into ponies, but it'd keep the gf happy. % < kane-xs> castaway: oh, if we have 2 index.tt files in 2 different paths, that's a Developer Error < kane-xs> ideally, a small gnome exits the screen and hits the developer % * denny wonders if anyone has started a VoIP company called IPfreely % <@romauld> I, of course, read that as worky*panty*worky... * denny goes in search of pig * helenic|workypaintyworky is not wearing panties -!- denny is now known as denny|lard % <@Fox> poggs|work: my anus cannot wait much longer. <@Fox> poggs|work: it puckers with anticipation. <@poggs|work> Fox: I'm sure you can find a bollard. % < matgates> preg_replace? sounds like a sort of back street abortion clinic. < Treenaks> matgates: no, then you wouldn't replace ;) < blueNine> preg_match() is the new clear-blue test? % * DrHyde has been prescribed a diet of Aretha Franklin by his parish priest in an attempt to stave off vampirism % >>then there's mechanically recovered chicken. (SteveD) > alt.chickadmin.recovery.automatic? (Dave) Quiet group, though. Everyone's afraid to try waving a sysadmin. (Ron Parker) % <@jrockway> mst: isn't it 5am your time right now? <@mst> nah ... only 4:56 < Penguin> it's 5:03 here < Penguin> shit, ntp has died again % <@jrockway> I have to maintain a website written in VB now <@jrockway> what the fuck <@jrockway> it looks like If Some Condition That's Human Readable Oh Yeah Then There's A Security Hole End % > ... [based on bonfire night we] should be celebrating Christmas by hunting > down weirdoes and nailing them to bits of wood. Gives a whole new meaning to "making a Christmas list", now, dunnit? -- (pndc and MikeA in the SDM) % <@lathos> Sinfest++ <@lathos> No, wait, I'm not supposed to say that. % Whilst holidaying with the sprogs and watching Favourite Teddy Bear trundling through the x-ray, I speculated on the fun that could be had with a teddy bear containing a radio-opaque teddy-bear skeleton. -- K. in the SDM % <@dngor> You are a beautiful, unique snowflake. In hell. % <@mst> plan. <@perigrin> EXECUTION QUERY PLAN [[ wander around for a bit, drink some tea, then throw an exception to piss off mst ]] % <@Nicholas> Gatling gun++ # more efficient than a clue-by-four when presented with a large problem. % <@mst> meh, chainsaw one person badly enough the rest get spattered with bits <@mst> the survivors tend to decide to listen to you. <@gellyfish> ANYONE ELSE WANT TO "NEGOTIATE"? % <@baud> he looked better towards the end of that interview. <@ubu> if by "better" you mean "appeared to be within shouting distance of reality despite all other evidence", then, yes. (#axkit-dahut on $politician) % <@blblack> emacs-- # needs foot pedals % -!- avinash240 [fwuser@crlspr-69.65.65.40.myacc.net] has quit [Quit: Think your current client is sexy? Check out Bersirc 2.2!] <@xantus> "Think your current client is sexy? You might be out of work due to sexual harassment" % < kd> war is peace, hate is love and fucking is virginity < ank> unzip;strip;touch;finger;mount;fsck;more;yes;fsck;fsck;fsck;umount;sleep % <@denny> my boss just asked the technical staff to work out a rota between ourselves to determine which one of us would actually try to be on time each day % <@dngor> moo * xb95 milks dngor. * dw drinks it % < dnm> .... screw you guys. That's too much work. < dnm> I'm all about the chloroform and rophynol. < dnm> ... uh.. you should probably forget I said that. % < Doc> but they have sheep < Penguin> so does wales < Phated> But NZ sheep are friendlier. % < Phated> But NZ sheep are friendlier. <@mst> ... < Phated> ... not that way :( < Phated> It was more receptive to petting... not that way either! % * kd considers what the emoticon for vulva would be % <@Nicholas> hide! -!- Nicholas is now known as | <@grue> Nicholas: just the person I was stalking too! <@|> gah. not thin enough % < nigel> wonder if I could make a business out of selling turing certificates <@quicksilver> how long have you thought you could make a business out of selling turing certificates? % <@DrHyde> i love plan9. it's utterly impractical and charmingly bonkers. a bit like haskell, and french. % * trym|work gives Penguin some jizz < trym|work> draw with that * Penguin draws on trym|work with his special pen < trym|work> eww % * acme hits the data with the stick of cleansing <@hex> blessed be the stick. % <@snarfy> centipedes? in *my* vagina? % <@gellyfish> HELP HELP I'M GIVING VBA MIGRATION ADVICE <@mstevens> SEND SERVER SOUTH FOR WINTER % We have ferrets, rats and mice, not so much. See fuzzy notice rat, see fuzzy get happy, see rat watch life flash before it's beady little eyes, see fuzzy play with rat, see fuzzy moping around because his rat broke. See me clean up bits of rat. -- Jim Richardson in the monastery % <@mst> ORBITAL ANVIL DELIVERY SYSTEM * Penguin breaks < Penguin> I misread anvil as anal :-S % I'm not entirely convinced that *anyone* speaks Dutch. It sounds just like German to me, only with more spitting. -- Michel Buijsman, in a.s.r % <@jrockway> java is fine <@jrockway> it's functional, it's GPL <@jrockway> sounds good to me <@kd> it's more verbose than my wife ;) % <@jrockway> NOTE TO SELF: DON'T TURN ON CAPS LOCK AND THEN REBIND CAPS LOCK TO CONTROL % <@Penguin> I seem to have a small fanta bottle, half filled with white fluid on top of a post it note saying "lunch" :-S * Penguin backs away from the fridge % <@ningu> I wonder if it is a crime to live in berkeley and never have smoked pot < groditi> naa. its only a city ordinance % <@phaylon> everytime I start up kde I think "Is this thing supposed to run on a cluster?" % -!- xantus is now known as purl * purl rapes dw -!- purl is now known as xantus <@xantus> noone saw me do it, you can't prove anything % * jshirley curses at the monkeys. <@jshirley> bad monkeys <@jshirley> @array = SELECT * FROM foo; splice(@array, 0, 50); # PAGINATION! <@jshirley> ... % <@mst> jshirley: http://trout.me.uk/quotes.txt <@jshirley> thanks. <@jshirley> My frustration is nothing more than a bumper sticker to you. <@jshirley> Asshole :P % < abraxxa> you know, my brain is like ram you power off every night... < joel> well, see you at YAPC::EU then < joel> I'll be the one with a giant boxing glove labelled RTFM < joel> beating you repeatedly % <@jshirley> I should sponsor cp80 as a friend ($100) with the name of Mike Hunt-Hurtz or something asinine like that. <@jrockway> IT HURTS BECAUSE OF PORN <@jrockway> (on port 80) % < blblack> anyone happen to know if macbookpro keyboard keys can be popped on/off without damanging anything to clean under them? < pavelgolubev> mepoppedspace... < pavelgolubev> blblack, yes :) % <@jrockway> if ( $New ) { code } if ($New) { more code } if (exists $brain) { i wouldn't code like this } <@groditi> before making tools that lower the barrier to entry, some people should consider whether the barrier really needs lowering % < EvanCarroll> PAYPERCLICKANDAFFILIATEPROGRAM.COM Price: $1,150.00* < EvanCarroll> thats cheap, its only like 25.00 a letter! % 16:44 -!- jrockway was kicked from #catalyst ... 18:34 -!- jrockway has joined #catalyst 18:34 <@jrockway> no wonder there was no activity % <@Greg> they were maybe the saddest people i have ever met, one had a squeaky hammer and he'd run round hitting people on the head with it laughing and explaining it was very funny back in germany % < mdk> Microsoft installs in its community of developers the ability to be inconsistent, imprecise and irrelevant. Thank fuck that its the most popular system on the planet, otherwise we'd all be forced to bitch about something useful % > I'm Ada Lovelace. Do I win five pounds? As long as you don't spend it on the horses or laudanum... (ABW and Steve Mynott on l.pm) % < NOTevil> that was before zeros and ones, everything was just 0000000000... < mst> you had -rows- of zeros? we had to push 'em up the hill one by one! < NOTevil> you had a hill? :P % < dr_Poggs> the train computer felt compelled to inform us that, should Watford suddenly turn in to Birmingham, that we're not to smoke % There is no such thing as overkill. There is 'not enough kill', and 'enough kill'. - japester on LJ % < sheriff> I wonder if I find the idea of incest so funny because my sisters are ugly % <@mrben> ms exchange, the IT version of shoelace tying in the prison shower... ...wearing cheekless trousers ...with a tube of lube tucked into the belt < Elleo> this may be the wrong thing to focus on, but why would you be wearing trousers in the shower? % <@Nicholas> foamy coffee - UKP 2.00 <@Nicholas> foamy beer - UKP 2.94 <@Nicholas> unfortunately the beer baristas don't give you a loyalty card :-( % <@gbjk> WTF <@gbjk> @minions are gone!? <@gbjk> How the fuck did the WHOLE day get spent trying to write a 6 line test! <@gbjk> PAULA FUCKING BRILLANT % <@itz> never trust software where the README has references to Ayn Rand <@gellyfish> never trust software <@mst> never trust <@itz> never % * teejay discovered today that our baby floats % The kernel license covers the *kernel*. It does not cover boot loaders and hardware, and as far as I'm concerned, people who make their own hardware can design them any which way they want. Whether that means "booting only a specific kernel" or "sharks with lasers", I don't care. (Linus Torvalds) % < blblack> I see we're officially in the "everyone report problems with the release that you should've found testing the RC" phase :) % < Yaakov> convert USD to CAD < buubot> Yaakov: 0CAD % < mauke> won't perl6 use seconds since 2000-01-01? <@Juerd> Perl 6 will count seconds since Christmas. <@Juerd> But we won't tell you which Christmas :) % <@sungo> mmm.. sol10 <@sungo> it's the only solaris I like, so far. <@sungo> well, where like means "don't want to nuke from orbit" % * kd recalls crossing the us border from canada to 'merika as a kid <@kd> being the only canadian in the family I was whisked through in no time <@kd> and they sent my parents and brother to guantanamo bay for a couple of years and I had to wait in the car % < sheriff> Surprising as in birthday party of buttsex? % <@denny> if they want to sell "today 14,000 people searched for 'arse fucking high heels porn'" to a pornsite, I'm okay with having added 1 to that number <@denny> if they add my IP, *then* I'll sulk % <@joel> is MMF redundancy? <@joel> you have dick failover <@joel> but no hotswap if you're running an active/active topology % <@kd> ningu: here's a simplified state model I prepared earlier: <@ningu> 404 not found <@ningu> gee, that is simplified <@ningu> only one state % < Zoffixs> really < Zoffixs> I use my pencil < mst> I've never heard it called -that- before -!- Winkie [i=sd@87-194-8-125.bethere.co.uk] has quit % -!- Topic for #london.pm: no more smoking in pubs! yay! next on the agenda telling jokes, dogs and blokes in cloth caps - welcome to WINE BAR WORLD -!- Topic set by gellyfish [Sun Jul 1 07:45:18 2007] % "the synopsis is: we were worried that it wouldn't scale, but we're not worried about that anymore. It went ahead and proved it on its own, using the much-dreaded Proof by Repeated Example." -- stevey on tibco % < ningu> papyrus was reed-only memory % <@jrockway> who here *isn't* a bot? <@phaylon> jrockway: I'm not following you... <@jrockway> phaylon: jerk it -!- jrockway was kicked from #catalyst-dev by mst [SURPRISE! BUTTSECHS!] % < integral> I think software prices should include the NHS presciption charge for whatever medication you need to use it. % <+purge> mst: i have done far too much javasccript this week <+purge> mst: its made me take up caffeine again, after 6 months <+mst> purge: ha <+purge> mst: they were six very unproductive months % <@teejay> closest to a fursona I've had was "Betty the transvestite half-elf" <@teejay> actually I already wish I hadn't shared that <@virtualsue> I didn't giggle - honest <@teejay> I'll have you know she reached quite a respectable level % < mauke> it compiles, shit it < mauke> er, ship* % 20:11 <@gellyfish> WE HAVE A WINNER! 20:11 <@gellyfish> I think I might have finally out-drunk my wife 20:14 <@gellyfish> I'll wake her up in a while and let her know :-) 20:14 <@gellyfish> I don't think the bathroom floor is all that comfortable % < quicksilver> if you're stationery you can never be at fault % -!- denny [denny@host81-149-176-190.in-addr.btopenworld.com] has quit [Broken pipe] <@HauntedUnix> ... fucking stoner. % <@gbjk> I have a cable tie stuck around my tongue. <@gbjk> My resolution paths are somewhat limited by a key factor: <@gbjk> I'm on the phone in a telephone conference. <@gbjk> It's amazing how far you can get with "uh huh" % < obra> Bus error < obra> I WIN < obra> I think that means "lunch" % < ew73> My family tartan is retarded and game-boy puke yellow. < sili> my poor lad < ew73> Remind me when I'm flung back in time and become my own great ancestor, to have that shit changed. % Fimbulwinter here No management with a clue Only ice giants - Shmuel (Syemour J.) Metz, in a.s.r % < groditi> I got wasted and gave myself a mohawk with craft scissors and I have little tiny hairs all in the inside of my shirt < groditi> and they itch like crazy and i'm all in suit and tie today < groditi> ENOGOOD % < talexb> Perl questions must be / phrased as haiku; fail and / suffer. kthxbye. % <@Penfold> do not go to teh intarweb for advice, for it will say both yes and no, and look, hamster porn % <@richardc> awesome, I've been joe-jobbed <@muttley> did you make her breakfast next morning? <@richardc> wasn't phoning for a cab right after enough? <@muttley> as long as you called her by the right name % < ton-> "woman Carp" in emacs... % <@osfameron> man ci just says "The exit status is zero if and only if all operations were successful" <@osfameron> so I'm guessing -1 means "There was an error lol" % < dha> Now all I have to do is learn php <@sungo> it's easy. <@sungo> take your perl knowledge. now smash it against child pornography % <@drforr> Welcome to PHP. Here's your banjo. % * nothingmuch is resisting the urge to submit a patch to reiserfsck to create a 'wife' file in the lost+found dir % <@jeek> Weird, I guess my mom is dying <@jeek> She's going in for bloodwork <@sungo> for? <@jeek> dunno, I closed the im % <@joel> somebody on another irc channel asked "how do i make a daemon" <@joel> so i answered it, for like 5 minutes <@joel> process groups, setsid(), closing filehandles, double forking, la la la <@joel> and then he says "no i mean i want to incant evil spirits" % <@osfameron> I'm not sure I understand how fucking australian soaps are somehow relaxing after work. I don't feel the need to stab myself in the face with a spoon just because I stopped working % <@joel> macbook for rsi? <@joel> have you ever typed on one?! <@joel> you can approximate a macbook keyboard for testing purposes <@joel> you need 26 scrabble tiles and a block of concrete % <@dngor> Your debugging is lengthy and artful, like a Matador. But that's no way to kill bulls if you're paid by the head. % < mst> I just plan to have an undo button next time < clicktreat> eek... desk fire... one min < pboae> can you make a real life undo button for her? % < clicktreat> btw... i ought to have said... he's got a narsty tendancy to quote file things you wish you hadnt said... < clicktreat> (or *I* wish you hadnt said..) < mst> ooh, good idea < clicktreat> crapppppppppppppp % i think i need to get run over by a car or something some terrible accident involving brain damage so i can start blogging too % <@mst> my cite page is http://trout.me.uk/quotes.txt < arcanez> *please dont be on it, please don't be on it* < arcanez> mmm Krispy Kreme % <@rjbs> perl5 <@rjbs> imprisoning me <@rjbs> all that i see <@rjbs> absolute line noise % < sungo> Part of the horrors of living in central indiana is that there are no real dungeons to speak of near here. < sungo> I miss DC where there were 3 or 4 (not counting friends' houses) right off the metro % <@joel> sentence commuted from death to life in loughborough <@joel> defendant appeals % * frew wishes his project had the word disco in it <@mst> IRC even has a command to make the channel dance <@mst> /disco -!- frew [~frew@firewall.mitsi.com] has quit [Quit: leaving] % <@perigrin> honestly JSON::XS, Coro, and AnyEvent are impressive tools <@perigrin> unfortunately so is MLHEMANN % OUCHIES!!! *cuts finger on hidden craft knife* Brb Bleeding to death % didn't bleed to death in the end then? Apart from if you are a Russian Monarch, most people don't really die from 8mm cuts on fingers ... I'm lucky enough to be a non-Russian-Monarch. And therefore didn't die. % did you see the videos btw? No? Wait... STUPID AMY. How is "no" a question? No. % Life is just tough. And some people cope better than others. And ducks are waterproof. % < Somni> yes, we placed Alaska near Canada so we could be cold % <@PJF> Issues of autodie being a hack built on an enigma built on a lie built on a subspace rift aside. % <@jrockway> this whole thing has made me really want to follow through on my conference idea where teams compete to build a bike shed <@jrockway> they have 3 days to design and assemble a bike shed <@jrockway> and can optionally use a public mailing list to do so % < kate`> bitwise problems are like flypaper to geeks :p % Everyone watching [the 2008 US Vice Presidential debates] just wanted to pull Sarah Palin aside and say "Sweetie, this is a grown-up event. You need to use your big-girl words now." -- Ted Dziuba on El Reg % < cfedde> lets hear it for syntactic sugar! < cfedde> and yeast. < cfedde> syntactic vodka % * ijw ponders causing extreme death to the person who thought embedding the only serious DB update logic in a bloody TT template was a good idea. <@mst> ijw: what could possibly go wrong? < ijw> In his case, extreme death. % < ijw> Bizarrely, his main skill is as high-class trumpet player, but he seems to have a sideline in fucking up software projects. % < rjbs> I would like to share the only mnemonic that I sitll find useful on a daily basis with you. < rjbs> Women Give Head Often < rjbs> where, group by, having, order by % SQL without subselects is like a massage without a happy ending % <@pndc> Imagine if cleaners were treated like sysadmins. "I've just pissed all over the office floor; it's the cleaner's fault." % <@knewt> "In Britain, some 50 chavs die every week from drinking too much Tesco-brand vodka. Every little helps!" % <@mst> er, apples/oranges < arcanez> mst: I'll take an orange, thanks < frew> arcanez: you have a talent at derailing thought processes; bravo :-) < arcanez> frew: why squander my talents % <@t0m> or patches are welcom <@t0m> +e < purl> 2.71828182845905 <@mst> purl++ % <@t0m> Or don't use things that shit all over global state by requireing them. <@t0m> -e < purl> -2.71828182845905 <@t0m> Oh, for fucks sake % <@perigrin> hmm "a circular depends" is that something that happens at a swinger retirement home? % * LeoNerd ponders a Getopt::Longer, with support for 'required' options < mst> LeoNerd: GetOpt::Longr; # released at v2.0 ... beta ... < LeoNerd> mst: Hrm.. CPAN search can't see that < mst> LeoNerd: IT WAS A JOKE % < epitaph> sorry, I'm breaking my own rules. Never, ever ask the question "why" about anything on this project. If there even is an answer, you _do_ _not_ want to hear it % * mst ponders finding the man who invented the "are you sure?" dialog box and stabbing his eyes out with rusty spoons If you find that man I would like you to replace his hands with his feet to teach him the meaning of "annoying" for me. % < pdcawley> Judging by the Rails 'community's attitude to Perl, I think they're mostly of a generation that grew up thinking that PHP has always been a real language and not just a malignant Perl based templating system that metastasized. % <@t0m> The correct solution is orange. Paint your monitor orange, and I promise all code displayed will be race condition free. <@t0m> The last statement may have contained up to one lie. % WHERE IS THE FILE IT IS IN THE BASH HISTORY WHO HAS THE FILE OPEN ME I ACCIDENTALLY PRESSED ENTER % <@sungo> I realized something yesterday <@sungo> Watchmen was released on dvd/blueray yesterday. <@sungo> I watched dr manhattan's giant dong swing around for 3 hours <@sungo> motherfucker needed to put on some pants % Hey. I'm crap at notice, but if you're around some time on the weekend then I'll be in town if you fancy a beer or something :) I remembered when I read my email this morning and GCal had mailed me 'you forgot to pack your shit didn't you!' % < buu> keriati: Did you know thanks actually has 6 letters? % <@DrHyde> wine++ # but not too much. ouch. <@wethrin> port++ # Often better than wine <@theorbtwo> aft++ # always lefter then port. % <@sungo> india just launched a nuclear sub <@sungo> can you imagine the smell inside that sub? % <@osfameron> summon a lower quality paper bag that I could more realistically attempt to code my way out of % <@DrHyde> meh, what's a few miles of water between friends :-) <@bob> wet mostly % <@rjbs> when you're done, you shake it (to empty the pages) and re-shelve < chargrill> like an etch-a-sketch <@rjbs> or a baby < chargrill> yes, shaking empties babies nicely % <@perigrin> ~ My daddy left home in 2003 / didn't leave much to the porters and me / just this old runtime and a a bunch of TODOs ~ <@perigrin> -- A Language Named Perl % < mst> hmm. the answer to that is both 'yes', and 'no'. also, 'breadsticks'. < phaylon> mst: you start to sound like a vorlon again < mst> yes. < phaylon> I knew you'd say that. % GO AWAY you stupid stupid man I am going to ignore this moron and have breakfast. I bet you are one of those smart asses that goes into grocery stores asking for refunds because your box of grapenuts has no grapes in it. % <@tannie> I had two <@tannie> and as always, I ate while drinking booze <@tannie> except, I ate the fruit from the sangria * tannie coughs % <+epitaph> ain't no fun if the spray doesn't hit your face < sng> epitaph: They're talking about sailing not sex... % < frew> because the server runs windows too <@robkinyon> you're getting fucked from both ends <@mst> purl, frew is also spitroasted by win32 < purl> okay, mst. % Yeah, definitely Monday here too. seriously it's like I'm Network Mommy some days "no, you can't have any more juice!" % <@hobbs> distributed fault-tolerant cocksucking? <%dhoss> hobbs: exactly <@hobbs> I can get behind that. <%dhoss> hobbs: but there's an average of 200 inserts/second! % <@perigrin> obra: depends on what you set it to ... ord('MST IS A WANKER').time then "yes" that would be rude. <@obra> perigrin: I think mst would be upset if I used such a pedestrian slur against him % < ernci> iv successfully removed all scripting stuff from my computer (perl, and bash(?) idk mb same thing), but now the command perl -e 'exec("ls");' doesnt work but ls does, also comes up with lots of errors when posting or booting(?) and wont read my disk array? % <@teejay> ..and here we see an incredibly rare event.. #london.pm has strayed far beyond it's usual topic of beer, ponies and the folly of human life and into the field of programming. Local tribes have legends of this occuring, but never before has it been captured on film % My... My recycle bin just ate itself.... % < kentnl> mst: I know a guy who didn't stop drinking for 6 months solid < kentnl> at the time, I think they referred to it as "university" % <@obra> . o { "Oh, did we say you'd won a million quid? We meant a million squid" } % -!- dhoss [~dhoss@dopple.ion0.com] has joined <@geoffeg> HAI DHOSS, HOLD ON TIGHT THIS TIME < dhoss> this is the most people we've had in here for a while -!- dhoss [~dhoss@dopple.ion0.com] has quit [Killed (mst (one less now))] % < mauke> today's advice: order pizza, pay with snakes < apeiron> also: breadsticks % < frew> the only time a guy ever got fired because of soemthing like that was because he watched so much porn that he somehow got it on a build machine that got sent to a customer. % < Debolaz> When I say wrong, I don't mean "oh, there's a mistake there", I mean "its existance itself is an error" % -!- mode/#perl [+o mst] by ChanServ <@mst> Jafet: *CARE BEAR STARE* < Jafet> Aieee -!- Jafet [n=Jafet@unaffiliated/jafet] has left #perl [] % < dnm> I'm going to write a book. < dnm> It's going to be called, "how to write a shitty programming language." < dnm> It will be the source code to php verbatim. % 21:20 13:20 [freenode] -!- #perl Cannot join channel (throttled) 21:21 -!- buu [i=buu@erxz.com] has joined #perl 21:21 < buu> SUCCESS 21:21 -!- buu was kicked from #perl by mst [FAILURE] % <@sungo> I'm playing fable II for the billionth time <@sungo> I just dug up a spot where my dog indicated there was treature <@sungo> and found.... a condom <@sungo> who buries condoms? % <@sungo> MYSQL YOUR ERROR REPORTING SUCKS ANCIENT CRUSTY HORSE COCK % * mst nukes buu from orbit * buu bursts into bloom. % < sys> when you have the right tool to solve the problem everything just goes smoothly < pragma_> And if you don't have the right tool, there's always Java. % <@SlayerXP> you spelt "not capable of finding their arse with both hands, an atlas, and the services of a professional arse finder" wrong. % <@sungo> some day, I'm going to drive to his house and hit him with a shovel until he realizes he knows NOTHING ABOUT IMPLEMENTING ANYTHING % <@davorg> I have about 100 ZWD in notes somewhere. That's the 1st ZWD. <@davorg> I use it as a bookmark. % <@perigrin> chargrill: no I'll abandon programming and data migration and instead do something useful with my life ... like become a Mime <@perigrin> or possibly a disease vector. % "I have to say, reCAPTCHA is one of the most elegant solutions I've ever seen to a problem. It's not even killing two birds with one stone, it's killing two birds with one of the birds." - Thaelon on slashdot - http://xrl.us/bfmg6t % <@_Dave> shit shave shag shower <@wethrin> in that order? :) <@_Dave> depends how dirty you like the anal action <@tannie> and switching away from the channel again % > oops did you drop your pacifier again? I tried using my son's pacifier, but it brought me no comfort. Any other suggestions? -- lucasoman.blogspot.com % we had a USian in the soho office. always carried a gas mask and other gubbins in some sort of tube attack survival kit I pointed out that here we just blow shit up and he'd probably find a fire extinguisher more useful... he worked from home for a week. % * snow hides from his own mind < snow> someone just said "Sorry for not reply, my pizza came" < snow> my first image was 'melted cheese bukkake' % < huf> it's actually somewhat entertaining to watch retards crash into brick walls -!- nadim_jfdi was kicked from #perl by mst < huf> brick wall intersected. % * Alias hangs around for another half an hour until it is simultaneously BOTH 2am and 3am % < Jedit> Arwen: FOX News has a very flexible relationship with the truth. < Jedit> In fact, I believe they've agreed to a trial separation where they can see other people. % < perlmonkey2> mst: the postgres people already set me straight on that. Apparently only a blithering idiot would use caps, and using underscores makes you part of an elite group of fighting ninjas who all drive Ferraris to work. I get it, use underscores :P % -!- test [i=3edb7b6a@gateway/web/freenode/x-sljagsssqkajbsyl] has joined ##c -!- mode/##c [+b *!*@gateway/*] by ChanServ -!- test was kicked from ##c by ChanServ [Banned: too*many*trolls*through*gateways,*connect*like*a*real*person] % < joel> Test::Builder::Tester just blew the roof off my skull % <@sungo> I put a bible onto an microsd card just so I could shove it up my ass and poop it back out % use strict; use warnings FATAL => 'all'; BEGIN { $^H |= 0x602; ${^WARNING_BITS} |= ("\xff"x11)."?" } % -!- Sessifet [rooms@82.132.139.201] has quit [Quit: I meant to do that. Then again, I may not have. ] -!- Sessifet [rooms@82.132.139.10] has joined #afp < Sessifet> Wrong button! % * Jedit wonders how you smoke PDP-11 assembler < pol> Jedit: 16 bits at a time, and in a structured manner % < chaplja> Zhivago: I'd like to ask a question. Two in fact. < Zhivago> Everyone should have something to aspire to. % <@Trelane> Do we have any working debuggers or not? <@Zefram> your brain is the debugger <@Trelane> that's what I'm trying to avoid using % < dhoss> Caelum: i want to refactor your C::H::DBIC stuff and see you laugh at my code < Caelum> masturbation doesn't excite me anymore either % < purge> hmph. i just met the most arrogant of mail servers < purge> 550 This message is spam and is rejected. < quicksilver> the customary reply is < quicksilver> 551 Your Mom is spam, but I didn't reject her. % * waltman just solved a problem for someone on the PLUG mailing list with a 25 char perl one-liner :) <@waltman> now he's got two problems :) % /* * Adieu. */ exit(0); % "Source Safe is not source control software. At best, it's a fat random byte generation layer on top of the file system or network stack." -- Mark of lexparse.com % nails are so 1900s. these days it's all about irony in weapons. sharp edges of a debian dvd for example I prefer steel nails; they're already pretty irony. i think i just *said* 'groan' % < Neth> what problem is sharepoint supposed to solve? < pol> Microsofts lack of cashflow % < random> though life would at this point be much improved by knowing the whereabouts of my tweezers < random> ..well that was easy. < random> I just trod on them % <@sungo> the horde is upon me <@sungo> and I'm fresh out of pipe bombs % 1 minute: Discovering code wasn't chmod'ed +x on deploy 2 minutes: Fixing code and verifying it runs now 12 minutes: Explaining to client sysadmin precise meaning of the word 'eviscerated' and how to avoid it applying to him in the future % <@sungo> my oldest cat likes to jump in the litter box before litter has been added. I then pour litter on the cat. <@sungo> we've been doing this for 6 years now. motherfucker knows how this works. % < hercynium> I still need to have sex in intercourse, pa % < Labrat> Starbucks should come with a warning alright: You are being overcharged for a cup of liquid that would make a proper barista eat his gun % The way to stop this collective madness is, of course, to get a committee on that and get a decent standard together. No, wait . . . . you wanted sane. [kills self] - http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=1161 % < marcus> B IS FOR BUGGER < marcus> C IS FOR CAKE < marcus> D IS FOR DEATH < marcus> E IS FOR RAVES % I find that the only downside to doing releases earlier in the week is that business owners can think of more stuff to complain about before the weekend comes and they forget what they wanted % < Gid> Actually, I've always recommended that newly-wed husbands beat their wives.. < Gid> beat them to the hoovering, beat them to the washing-up, beat then to emptying the rubbish bins.. % * apeiron fails * mst swaps in a new redundant minion <@stevan> ohh, hotswappable minions <@rjbs> I didn't know you were into redundant arrays of professional employees % <@waltman> There should be a law against what my aunt does to asparagus <@nperez> it is called sodomy and it is a law % < Nacmac> you mama so fat it takes TWO warlocks to summon her % < rozallin> I got a letter from the DWP which read "So uh... what *is* your name?" < apeiron> oh wow. I so would've responded with "I AM VISHNU, DESTROYER OF WORLDS" % #p5p <@obra> Ok. Bacon and Eggs time. & # swine before perl % < TorgoX> tchrist was from the stratum of people who thought pod was a cheap and easy macro-preprocessor to nroff, and that's ALL. So if you got bonked output, you just put it in debug mode and looked at the troff and said "oh, right" and fixed your nroff. % -!- mode/#perl [+b *!*@75.108.216.100!##php] by apeiron <@apeiron> Next time he gets ##freebasic. % <@sungo> it's part of my complaint with sci fi future space ships <@sungo> if computers are in charge, some faggot will use php for a cli app and I'll end up inside out thanks to a transporter accident % < hex> purl, be dhoss is also |if you're into stapling floppy veiny nasty ass old woman tit then sure <@dhoss> ... <@dhoss> facebook-- % <@mst> mateu: really, anything that fucking loads :) < mateu> i can blow a load does that count? <@t0m> does for your mom <@marcus> mateu: Please don't stick your dick into HTTP-Body % < DeadZen> debugging that in yaws though was pretty hard though < DeadZen> sorry too much redundancy in my diet % <@rjbs> Everything I know about England, I learned from Blackadder. % Your generation did not invent the facepalm. It's probably been around since the caveman days; I can easily imagine Throg hitting his head repeatedly on a rock when Grognak tried to nasaly insert Fire again. - The View from Mt. Deja Vu - http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=1188 % If you thought "Um, what's the the problem with that?" while reading any of the above, I don't want to know about it. Please go get a job at a competitor. - The Usual Madness - http://www.dadhacker.com/blog/?p=975 % < ew73> So, Geo::Coder::US # Neat module. requires downloading a metric shitton of data, and processing 24 more more imperial shittons of data to make a half-shitton berkley db file. < ew73> NOTE THE UNIT SWITCH. It is relevant to the pun. % <@tomboh> AAARGH! <@tomboh> I have figured out the cause of my mail server problem <@tomboh> I spelt my mum's name wrong :( % < dwu> i believe I will send feedback. "instead of bearclaw, which i believe to be the correct interpretation, (b) became beer. would not emote again. A-----" % Bull semen tastes of unborn cows. It's like liquid hamburger. % <@sungo> YOU BORE ME RIGHT ROUND BABY RIGHT ROUND % < fspeiser> if you have any really simple questions that can be found in easily available online documentation, please refer them to mst < fspeiser> he normally replies with a gracious and tempered response < fspeiser> and then sends you a picture of a puppy % <@Alias_> Since there is 1!!!! module in the index that uses it <@acme> 1!!!! <@Alias_> 1 x 1 x 1 x 1 = 1 <@Alias_> ! % <@confound> but that isn't what you asked originally <@confound> I'm running Moose on a 2ghz P4 under linux 2.6.25. if I have a set of objects, what should I use? <@confound> also I am wearing pants % On Avatar: <@sungo> beyond that, it's a romantic drama involving very tall smurfs % < avar> It used to be the case that all of git's errors could be replaced with "FUCK YOU" with no loss of information % < purge> facebook serves more than 150000 requests a second. impressive < purge> shame they still cant make the fucking photo browser work. % * hercynium developed a rule early on - any woman who goes nuts over a "weekaversary" or something similar gets the boot immediately < hercynium> NO I DO NOT REMEMBER THE EXACT SECOND WE FIRST KISSED/HELD HANDS/HAD ORAL OK I MIGHT REMEMBER THAT ONE IF YOU REMIND ME % -!- DrHyde is now known as hire-me-im-cheap-an -!- hire-me-im-cheap-an is now known as hire-me-5-dorrah <@_Dave> ah, venda are hiring -!- hire-me-5-dorrah is now known as venda-6-dorrah % <@jhannah> hmm... why is Google Ads serving me "Mature Omaha Singles" ? <@jhannah> doesn't everyone search for "Omaha granny porn" ? % * sungo just completed his yearly exercise * sungo just walked 2-3 miles in 14 inches of snow. <@sungo> I'm going to go die now % <@hobbs> malloc, realloc, calloc, valloc, free, memalign <@dngor> phalloc <@hobbs> warning: phalloc arena corrupt <@apeiron> abort / retry / crossdress % <@t0m> Github has more issues than the girls I go out with. % < fedoragirl> I have mixed feelings about global warming < fedoragirl> part of me says "this could kill lots of people", but another part of me says "this means I don't have to kill lots of people to make an anarcho-communistic paradise" % < ew73> I'll admit, I like my code to be colorful. < ew73> It makes me feel like I've accomplished something if it looks like Rainbow Brite committed sepuku on my terminal. % < apeiron> perlbot's parser is, um < perlbot> apeiron: No factoid found. Did you mean one of these: [SuperJuerd] [safrican wanted you to know about "perl": perl] [spherical ducks in vacuum] [subversion] % < Edmund> hm. The Obama administration has lifted the ban on the importation of haggis. < CraigD> that takes guts % < avar> Lisp is an awesome language that generation after generation of programmers has masturbated over but nobody's seemingly written any libraries for it while doing so :) % <@apeiron> ~/todo can, of course, be a symlink to somewhere. <@apeiron> Or it can have a setuid fifo on the other end taht writes it into a coworker's ~/todo. <@apeiron> (fifo's are way underused) % < mauke> Portability is for people who cannot write new programs. < cfedde> my software does not have wheels. < cfedde> or a handle < xenoterracide> my software is a paper airplane ... that's on fire % <@clkao> useless airporr <@clkao> tpe air cpnteol equipmwnt failed <@clkao> one take off eveey 8min <@clkao> must be software % so the question is: how much "I told you so" can I get away with without risking damage to my relationship or my genitalia or both usually those come in "both" % <@t0m> u-foka: take the red pill, you know you wanna :) <@kd> $foo = [ [1,2,3],[4,5,6] ] <@kd> $bar = \$foo <@kd> ^^ matrix reference % < kthakore> mst: It is hilarious when people tell me to calm down < kthakore> mst: it makes me want to walk into their room at night and yell GO TO SLEEP < kthakore> mst: when they are sleeping % * apeiron hides -!- apeiron is now known as | < |> BOLLOCKS IT'S REGISTERED -!- | is now known as apeiron % * acme giggles about reversing an empty array <@mst> does it play a noise while it's reversing? <@Zefram> if by "noise" you mean segfault... % < nigel> Quiet here today - is there some event or holiday I wasn't invited to? <@quicksilver> it's St Postgres' day. <@quicksilver> we're all doing a parade, mst is dressed up as a dragon wielding a chainsaw and robkinyon is a fair maiden on a unicorn. % < quicksilver> there is always a benefit in not re-using your prototype code directly < quicksilver> you get to make exactly the same mistakes afresh % < oliver> evidence of mst's coding:... < oliver> # Created by Schema::Loader v0.06001 @ 2010-04-26 18:32:22 < oliver> # DO NOT MODIFY THIS OR ANYTHING ABOVE! md5sum:hE53S0ibqt+FUCK+65pyiQ (md5sum 1, mst 0 :) % < LeoNerd> .oO( gstrings and buggers? defintely hometime ) % < tcisaft> Khisanth: I am sorry, but what matters if written Perl or PERL? I only know interpreter is always "perl" (lower caps) < mst> tcisaft: PERL is wrong and commonly used by people writing awful crap < tcisaft> I will use "PERL" book to level desk % < lucas> that's why i tell people i use PHP < lucas> for the street cred <@perigrin> I'm sure that works. < lucas> well, it *is* pretty ghetto % <@ew73> Girls respond to subtle physical cues. Body language goes a long way toward indicating your interst. Smile! make eye contact! Drip precum on her dress. % <@dhoss> waltman: meh. my friend has a saying: women are like busses, there's one that comes by every 15 minutes <@perigrin> In russia, we have saying. Our women are like busses ... that is saying. % mostly I'm just scared that these people are paying lots of money to be taught by me and that I won't be good enough :) there's a talk about that on the internet somewhere % <@seven> politics is the art of fucking the most inappropriate partner in the room with your clothes still on. % <@triddle> cron is also * * * * * /bong/hit % < Edmund> Alpakka: during the 1953 demonstrations in East Germany, the government at one point put out a statement that it had "lost confidence in the people". Berthold Brecht replied that in that case, the government should dissolve the people. % <@Candybar> we can video the talks, technology wise <@Candybar> it is the agreements the speakers have to sign off on <@mst> er. previous YAPCs you just ask them. and they all usually sign. < arcanez> depends if I piss myself. % < pdcawley> I have a theory that the 7/7 bombing had nothing to do with Al Qaida, it was in fact a bunch of Yorkshiremen who were pissed off with the cultural hegemony of the South East and were striking back in a foolish way. % < Simon> ugh. I appear to have a cat hair flavour pizza for breakfast % <@ew73> Oracle, responsible for the fall of Sparta -and- solar power. % <@osfameron> nothingmuch++ # kiokudb <@osfameron> and mst++ # dbic <@osfameron> 2 great tastes that taste great together <@osfameron> um, that's kiokud+dbic, not nuffin+mst % < ttmrichter> Refresh my memory: what's rebar? < Vagabond> its an erlang build system < Vagabond> in erlang < Vagabond> it does a pretty nice job, sometimes % <@mst> "rape, pillage, *then* burn" <@sungo> look. if you dn't pillage FIRST you won't find all of them hiding under tables and boxes <@sungo> and it's *important* to rape ALL of them % < mdk> Speaking as a member of the non-coding elite i am in fact controlled by my cat and he is a mysoginist as a female vet took his bollocks away % 22:16 <@perigrin> reading the reviews from YAPC::NA 2010 22:17 <@perigrin> 1) more power cords 2) more power cords (...) 22:25 <@perigrin> also did I mention the power cords? % < ner0x> What's the correct way to "die" in a controller? <@mst> ner0x: T-cut with a katana < Laidback_01> carefully, yet permanently. heart attack. < ner0x> I should have expected that. % <@joel> went to a gig, told the singer that her boyfriend had all the musical talent, she couldn't sing but her dancing was really sexy. <@joel> ... holy crap, she added me on facebook <@joel> mental note: insult more serbians % <@avar> GumbyBRAIN: Greg Kroah-Hartman is a total fucking douche, his kernel updates don't even come with a free blowjob. <@GumbyBRAIN> Greg kroah-hartman is a free blowjob. The -kernel- level, epoll tends to blur the control key. % <@aef> A review for a tool box lists two negative points. One is that it's heavy if you fill it. The other is that you may need more than one if you have a lot of tools. Methinks the reviewer does not comprehend the restrictions imposed by basic physics. % < mst> unfortunately the rest of the front row was six couples all with babies < mst> so every scream, every diaper change, I got completely woken up < wheels> mst: that's why you should bring ear plugs < wheels> mst: they fit nicely in the mouths of small children % < Altreus> (first principles)++ # means I can edit ASP without knowing ASP < mst> If Some Human Readable Condition Then There's A Security Hole End < Altreus> End If % < sng> ProTip: If you have a cluster and you're having problems but one cluster member is working perfectly Leave The One That Is Working The Fuck Alone. % <@epitaph> I am amused that wikipedia actually has an article on the chip butty. However nothing of the pie barm, which I think people think is an urban myth, like the battered Mars bar. I can assure you, neither is an urban myth % < KaeseEs> i've generally preferred a gallon of hot magma poured into my anus to bugzilla. really the only thing that can be said for it is that it isn't fogbugz % < xinming> When we use CGI, How do we get the POST header? < xinming> the CGI module. < edenc> hey, I just got a new 56k baud modem % 10:07 < random_> I am basically waiting for Pol to get up so I can have a shower and so on without waking him 10:07 < random_> pol deserves a lie-in 10:12 < pol> have a shower. I'm watching topgear % <@hex> "The spec consists largely of C code copy-pasted from the VP8 source code — up to and including TODOs, “optimizations”, and even C-specific hacks" <@hex> I believe the correct response to that is "LOLOLOLO" % < TMM> sjuxax, if there is no '\0' supplied, either realloc or tell the other end to fuck off < Jafet> Also known as strnyahnyahcpy % < tm604> domin: You are closing STDOUT. < tm604> domin: There is nowhere for the print to go. < tm604> Your code therefore shares the same unfortunate environmental limitations as a bonsai kitten. % <@cwest> I am not going to waste my time shooting you in the head. <@cwest> There are several perfectly serviceable holes already in place. % <@KjetilK> funnily enough, Oslo's main street still carries the name of the Swedish king who first occupied us <@ubu> BORK St. % <@perigrin> "Waking up when you got a baby, you feel like you drank a bottle of whiskey the night before, except the shit's in someone else's pants." <@perigrin> They need that on Onezies. % * joel giggles at mst's quotefile <@joel> I also seem to be in there s depresing number o f times <@joel> i have said a lot of stupid shit :( <@joel> *a depressing % < ew73> I worked on a project a couple years ago that had the requirement that at least 50% of the lines be commented. < ew73> I broke them of that particular habit when I delivered a documented, functional product that had a short story in the comments. % < theory> mst: Put down the crack dude < mst> I have no crack. why do you think I'm so fucking grumpy? < theory> lol < theory> mst: botsnack % 15:00 <@ilmari> $ date 15:00 <@ilmari> mercredi 13 octobre 2010, 15:58:55 (UTC+0200) 15:01 <@ilmari> LE KHAAAAAAN! % < mst> if looking in the dump does not show DROPs, they are not there < mst> the trick is to stop, look, think, and apply logic < RORgasm> mst: i did, i was using a tool to create the dump files < mst> the dump files were definitely created by a tool, yes. % <@rjbs> Yeah, I never understood "it tastes better if you make it yourself." <@mst> rjbs: I dunno. seems to work for semen. <@rjbs> We've secretly replaced mst's semen with Folgers crystals. Let's see if he notices ...... % < mst> but $mdk->wife likes it. (ed: Little Shop of Horrors) < fspeiser> his wife is a method ? < mst> his wife is a belongs_to. % < denny> I think you'll find that research proved that most people will give up /a/ password for a chocolate bar < denny> offer me chocolate and I'll tell you a string. It won't get you into any of my accounts though. % < jeffl> some guy just came into the office where i'm working to speak about getting vegetables for his restaurant here in Napa call Ubuntu. < jeffl> his name was Lenny so i suggested he change the name to debian 5 % <@sungo> they asked what severity level it was. At my instruction, my coworker phrased it as such: it's important but let me put it this way. I'm making the call and sungo isn't. So we're not homicidal yet. % < DrForr> DJ_Vicious: Seeing as you haven't detailed what bot this is, where you found it, what version it runs on, what perl you're using, you're lucky you're not getting recommendations like "Warning: Will make demons fly out your nose." % <@Zefram> owning multiple instances of the same clothes is very convenient <@Zefram> I've worked out what clothes work well for me; I don't want to have to work it out again every morning % <@jjl> obviously i can't hold a candle to how joel used to dress... <@Zefram> sure you can, it's the best way to apply cleansing fire % < confound> HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I CHUG PINTS % <@pndc> I can recommend Date's ironically-named "Introduction to Database Systems" if you're having difficuulty sleeping. <@pndc> It's also very heavy so you can use it to LART people who use MySQL. % <@rjbs> Toodle pip, chin chin, bob's your uncle, COCK FESTIVAL. % < initself> perlbot: increase karma tm604 onehundredfold < perlbot> initself: No factoid found. Did you mean one of these: [i'm sorry you got your dick stuck in a cdrom hole] % < ttmrichter> anykey: SIGABRT is what you send to the manager's mother after you construct your time machine and go back.... % < PerfDave> Whoo, had my eyes tested, my eyesight still pwns. < n0body> you get the laser vision upgrade? < PerfDave> Yes, I can now destroy Python just by looking at it. % < nanonyme> Hmm, my coffee tastes like spoon. :( % * tannie ponders what to call her beer when it's done... <@tannie> the can with the eh.. beerstarter said 'Gold' <@tannie> so I was thinking "Tannie's Gold" % <@mst> mmcleric: currently, you are attempting to overengineer it <@rjbs> mmcleric: You are talking about building a massive cloaking device designed by an army of engineers in order to hide a sandwich. % * nanonyme turns Altreus into a princess < Altreus> yaay < Altreus> boobs! * Altreus is never seen again % <@DrHyde> mythology has been going down-hill ever since one of the egyptian gods made the stars by having a wank and splattering man^Wgod-juice across the sky % <+LotR> why should you ignore easyjet for LON->AMS? it's only an hour <@mst> I suspect because he hates flying easyjet <+LotR> well yes, but it's only an hour. how bad could it be <@jjl> i take it you've not flown easyjet then? % <@sungo> what the shit <@sungo> the drobo dashboard sends a port 5002 packet a second on all interfaces <@sungo> "looking for drobos" lulz < dngor> Distributed denial of sense. % <@jrockway> an error message should not require interaction <@jrockway> if it fits in 80x25 and you can determine what you need to look at, it's a success <@jrockway> right now, it's more like 80x2500 :) % <@mst> never ever say "I just need" <@mst> any time you find yourself about to say that to me, go amputate and foot and stick it in your mouth instead <@mst> it'll be quicker and less painful % <@rjbs> zenophobia, fear of very slow artillery % < cwest> Domesticated animals can't survive on their own. They need the intervention of a human, such as myself. They get very annoying when no intervention is offered. Case in point, my former chihuahua who peed on my head at 5am because I refused to wake up and take him out. % < mst> useful lesson: uri and I almost never agree. when we do, listen closely. < DrForr_> And break out the guns. * uri shoots DrForr_ at mst < DrForr_> Actually given mst and uri, break out the howitzers. % <@ribasushi> mst: I have nothing to show other than ideas, so I won't argue <@ribasushi> mst: just know that you're wrong :) <@mst> I'm not. <@mst> I am right. I just don't know how to prove it yet. % < quotemstr> Using cmd.exe as an excuse not to fix bugs elsewhere is like saying that we don't need good government because Sarah Palin is insane. % "Samsung claims that the battery can power "up to 7 hours" of video playback. If you absolutely must watch Lawrence of Arabia twice in succession, the Tab would be 12 minutes short of accommodating your inordinate love of sand." -- Rik Myslewski on The Register % * p5changes_clone2909 Father Chrysostomos pushed to blead ([perl.git] branch blead, updated. v5.13.6-503-ge160348): Father Chrysostomos: Oops. I need to learn how to use git add.; http://perl5.git.perl.org/perl.git/commit/e1603486 % < ner0x> I'm in ##linux on freenode trying to help someone. I know I can fix his problem because I've been on linux 10+ years. He can't give me a straight fucking answer. Pretty annoying. < ner0x> I assume it's pretty much how you feel when you talk to me. % < CoolKid10> for school, in 7thgrate ap computers, i want to impress my class < n00p> CoolKid10: You want to be called a geek? < CoolKid10> i am a geek:( i know vb I can even make a batch script! < Zhivago> Cool: i suggest that you render naked exploding ladies. % < HellKat> the clock itself is set to UTC but it has a weather facility too - if you set the GPS coordinates < HellKat> temps right, weather however is wrong, comp says cloudy, looking outside says raining % I've found, "No sweetie, I /am/ listening, I just do it really fast and jump ahead of your thought process" doesn't really help. % < TorgoX> The welbutrin is probably the cause, probably potentiated by the others, of not really being hungry. Until someone says "FOOD IS NICE" and then ten minutes pass and then I WANT TO EAT THE CONTENTS OF THE FRIDGE AND THEN POSSIBLY THE FRIDGE DOOR ITSELF. % < dstorrs> I've got a girlfriend, a company, a personal life, and a novel that I've been neglecting, all needing time. I don't feel the need to spend my precious remaining tuits learning MongoDB when it seems a lot like all the bad parts of MySQL from the 90s. % * joel grinds teeth <@joel> "you know what goes good with a taco?" <@joel> i want to respond "grammar lessons" % < genehack> you just 'use bitter::experience', run your code, and it tells you that the project is being led by somebody with no political capital and the budget will get cut next quarter < genehack> so you might as well fuck off and go drinking % < ether> don't anthropomorphize computers; they *hate* that! % * denny- pokes denny in the face with a brick -!- denny [~denny@home.denny.me] has quit [Killed (mst (DEATH BY BRICK))] -!- denny- is now known as denny * denny keeps the brick, goes looking for $ISP % < talexb> "A poor craftsman blames his tools" < Su-Shee> a door craftsman blames the stools. < Altreus> A poor craftsman blames his fools. tools! damn keyboard % <@osfameron> awwww, bluetit! <@osfameron> I do miss this in the offfice <@ilmari> osfameron: if the tits are getting blue you might want to loosen the ropes a bit % <@pndc> Burnt-out contractors cry themselves to sleep on a pillow made of fifty pound notes. % On the morale of the staff of $shop, as provided by an ex employee: Sysadmin: "Well, it's a job. It's not a great one, but it's a job." Programmer: "We're on 80 hour weeks for the next 6 months, I'm going to die." NOC: % <@erikh> gah, stupid heisenbug <@erikh> inspect the result and it goes away < \yrlnry> "I have to find this before I run out of cats." % <@osfameron> Jimmy Wales seems to be resistant to adblock % <@BinGOs> Unladen Swallow sounds like a porn-star name. % < ktm5124> Zhivago: When are you going to adopt me? Let's make it official <@Zhivago> ktm: When euthanasia becomes legal. % <@kyriel> COCKKNOCK. Who's there? <@kyriel> [i have no joke here] % <@dngor> That was the second to last book I ever loaned out. The last one was my Principia Discordia, and that has two punchlines. <@dngor> 1. I didn't really expect it to come back. I mean, really. <@dngor> 2. The guy I loaned it to died. % < nanonyme> I swear, some day I'm gonna write code that can rewrite itself so I can just go drink beer while it's doing so. % <@Zefram> so if I kill a hooker to make glue out of her, rather than to have sex with her corpse, does that make it not murder? * virtualsue moves away from Zefram <@Zefram> virtualglue: don't panic % <@HellKat> void sungo = NULL; <@HellKat> * *grumbl* void *sungo = NULL; <@geoffeg> jesus, what is that? a pointer to a pointer of a pointer of grumbl? <@sungo> if there's a grumble struct, I will POINT TO IT AS HARD AS I CAN % <@Zhivago> blackhole: It sounds as though you have been possessed by the ghost of a retarded man. <@Zhivago> blackhole: I suggest that you work to overcome this. % < tm604> please wait, an operator will be with you shortly * LeoNerd ponders no operators; < tm604> LeoNerd: I think that's use BT::TechSupport; < apeiron> tm604++ % <@sungo> what perigrin is saying is: fuck your family. make him happy and come to perl oasis <@chargrill> sungo: good plan <@perigrin> do it once and the problem solves itslef. % <@dhoss> am i over thinking this? i think i am <@mst> "where table1=table1.table1_id" <@mst> WTF? <@sungo> perhaps you should think about it at ALL first % < Zhivago> It's like trying to measure a human hair by using an angry bear. < Zhivago> You'd need to do the comparison many times in order to increase the resolution sufficiently to tell you anything, and there are less stupid approaches. % <@rjbs> Oh, carrying the carseat will suck. <@sungo> fedex your kids <@rjbs> I did that last year, and they STILL haven't found the box with Arturo in it. % < sie> Zhivago, go to hell faggot -!- mode/##c [+q sie!*@*] by Zhivago <@Zhivago> A little quiet contemplation is called for. % <@HellKat> mako132: no one's ever bought me a strapon *pouts* <@mako132> HellKat: have you written to santa? Included an example URL? <@HellKat> mako132: "Hey santa claus you cunt, where's me fuckin strapon, i ordered one last year and all i got was a damned speculum" % <@joel> "Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live." <@joel> - Martin Golding <@joel> I can only assume mst knows that he /is/ that psychopath % < nanonyme> If "most people" got to decide, we'd probably never have left the trees because they seem safer. % <@t0m> strace is your friend :) <@mst> t0m: he's on win32 <@t0m> ohhh. Hahahaha, bad luck % <@pndc> Oh, I have some rules. <@pndc> 1) I'm not drinking any more of that Black Dog whisky. <@pndc> 2) Steal underpants. <@pndc> Oh, wait. % <@ilmari> friends don't let friends use internet explorer <@tannie> enemies on the other hand... <@PerfDave> Said friend needs to use Internet Explorer to get money <@DrHyde> said friend should consider whoring. it's more respectable % < Dom> Like all vegetables, sprouts should be soft and runny. Unlike the cake, which should be rock hard and contain 2-3 bottles of brandy. < Yady> Dom: Makes me wonder if it'd be better if the cake were soft and runny and the vegetables were rock hard and contained 2-3 bottles of brandy. % * Zefram thinks he would have difficulty joining the Lib Dems aged 10 <@Zefram> since (a) I didn't <@Zefram> (b) I don't have a time machine <@Zefram> and (c) the Lib Dems didn't exist then % <@waltman> speaking of which...at one point tonight my brother-in-law got mad at his dog and called it a "son of a bitch" <@waltman> Seems to me that's not much of an insult when directed at a DOG. % < jrockway> i have figured out one source of my confusion < jrockway> apparently there is a library called jssockets, and one called jssocket < jrockway> the first one is the first result for the second google search % <@rjbs> cmutt <@perigrin> cmuttrun <@perigrin> runmuttrun <@rjbs> :P % ASR: We took both pills. -- snarfed from Jan Ingvoldstad's sigmonster % < seven> I should... drink more. < dngor> The voices only bring me trouble. I should stop listening to them. < seven> dngor, I agree. Unless a voice told you to say that. In which case, have a drink. % < dngor> Where are the rules posted for this drinking game? < seven> If you lose an argument to yourself, take a drink. < seven> If you can't distinguish the voices from shared reality, take a drink. < seven> If the elephant tells you to, take a drink. % <@sungo> the damning thing here is that I can sit at the table with the ipad, 3gs and 4 spaced apart to rule out local interference. <@sungo> ipad: full signal. 3gs: full signal. 4: hurr durr I like puppies % < pragma_> sun/son. < davetoo> that's a pun, son < mauke> pun indented * pragma_ facepalms. % <@SlayerXP> acme: i paid £3.00 for my breakfast sarnie with three fillings <@SlayerXP> you have a choice of bacon, egg and sausage. <@SlayerXP> I chose bacon, bacon and bacon. % <@DrForr> purl, be jdf <+purl> Hi, I'm using Perl, DBI, Oracle, a banana, two pieces of the Berlin Wall, a Chevy truck, a pound of compost, a goose, another goose and some spam, but I get a syntax error. Help! % "So this SEO copywriter walks into a bar, grill, pub, public house, Irish bar, bartender, drinks, beer, wine, liquor" % < Rome0> i don't want to get fired lol % < Su-Shee> I'm sorry but 99.9% open source media tools are a piece of shit in terms of usability. they might be powerful technically - but to actually _use_ them: they can fuck a goat. < Botje> poor goat % * BinGOs apologises for a) Football analogy b) stereotypical racial slurring <@Zefram> but you're not apologising for invading Poland? <@BinGOs> I never invaded Poland. <@Getty> yeah that was me % < Aerdan> Bry8Star: I'm only going to say this once, so listen closely. < Aerdan> Bry8Star: FUCKING DO WHAT WE'VE BEEN FUCKING TELLING YOU TO FUCKING DO OR WE CANNOT FUCKING HELP YOU FUCKING FIX YOUR FUCKING PROBLEMS, FSCKING FSCK. % Web 2.0 explained: Twitter - I need to pee | Quora - Why am I peeing? Facebook - I peed! | LinkedIn - I pee well Foursquare - I'm peeing here | Myspace - Pee on me! % < jeeger> UTF-8 porn! Wet'n'wild characters! < LeoNerd> Barely Legal Codepoints < DrForr> Hot glyph-on-glyph composition < LeoNerd> "Come see my surrogate pair" % < quicksilver> [ad guys] would undoubtedly use a computer for execution < quicksilver> but for concepts they all used paper < quicksilver> generally big paper and fat pens < quicksilver> like rolf harris without the kazoo % < Simon> as an aside, Evil Boss once received a hands-free kit from all his employees for xmas, because we were fed up with him driving at 110mph while holding a phone to his ear while we were in the passsenger seat... % [andy] the yearbook committee at my daughter's school called me, they weren't sure i really wanted to buy the ad "I can haz a yearbook ad" % < idn> Right, I go. < mdk> idn is on the loose <@mst> mdk: about this hoose? * PerfDave gets his pith helmet and idn net % Q: How many Surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Two ... one to change the bulb and one to put a typewriter in the bathtub with the giraffe % < Lexie> I just accidentally called cuba. % <@mst> mordy: I think it's retarded and going to shoot you in the genitals. <@ether> mst: yes but some people like holes there <@perigrin> ether: having production code give you a prince albert isn't something most people look for % < Araii> Drama on my forum. < Araii> It needs to stop. < mst> that's what the banhammer is for. < sungo> and failing that, an actual hammer % In any city in Britain you can tell where you are from the graffiti. Last summer I spotted a scrawl that read "David Miliband is handsome," and knew I must be in Camden. Last week, a taxi driver pointed out a complex equation spray-painted on a white wall; it was clear I was in Cambridge. % < apeiron> yeah, no. < apeiron> 1. don't < apeiron> 2. Net::IRC is deprecated < apeiron> 3. FUCKING LISTEN TO ME YOU NO GOOD GOATFUCKING SACK OF PIG SHIT % -!- shminux has joined #freenode < shminux> staffers, the founder of ##physics passed away over a year ago, maybe it's time to do an orderely transfer? -!- ravenlock has quit [Quit: He's dead, Jim.] % < squeeky> gah, I'm a friggin idiot. * bigpresh hears the faint sound of a facepalm * Sound of a facepalm -!- squeeky [squeeks@elsker.kanal2.net] has left #perl ["TURBO FACEPALM"] % < thrig> Net::IRC + XML::Simple + Switch.pm ... and then you wake up % <@cfedde> In python it seems that there is typicaly one right way to do things... that no one uses. % < pol> An IPv4 allocation walks into a bar. The barman asks "A large CIDR?". The allocation answers "No, I'm exhausted" % < kd> DRM is stupid < kd> sender -> attacker -> recipient < kd> if the attacker and the recipient are the same person < kd> then CRYPTO DOES NOT WORK % < wheels> The thing is that for a lot of the things that you shouldn't really use CouchDB for, you get a similar API that performs better with MongoDB. Except that you shouldn't use MongoDB either because it's a steaming pile. % < Panda> Its easier than Gradians 3. Fighting blueprints is hard. < Rahm> Panda, that was the worst pun ever. < mst> maybe he's a polar panda < Rahm> I take it back. % <@sungo> wow. * sungo just found a help doc that involved putting apache behind nginx because nginx apparently can't do things like ssl * sungo loads the shotgun % < CanyonMan> i made a megahal and hooked it to our openfire at work, < CanyonMan> and when I step away from my desk, it pretends to be me < CanyonMan> People seem very confused by it, but nobody has walked up to me and punched me or anything % < cutiemuffin> mango juice is not better than choking on dick < cutiemuffin> mango juice feels like you're going to die % < valdier> This is perl, version 5.004_04 built for aix, Copyright 1987-1997 < Khisanth> ... < Khisanth> I think there are people in here younger than your perl % < kd> If I named my computers after the different types of surgery I had performed on me, they would all be called vasectomy % My usual argument is "if you're going to put tabs in, I'll start using other ECMA-48 control sequences". Mmm... such as Set Cursor Advancement Direction "n\dlrow olleh" yas % < lostinfog> oh [{((([{<<<{ <@frew> }>>>}][))}] ? <@mst> these are your father's parentheses <@frew> did....did he keep them in his anus in 'nam? % <@Yaakov> So we heard from the insurance company about our totalled car... <@Yaakov> It was a 2000 Buick we bought 5 years ago. We paid $5,000. <@Yaakov> We reluctantly accepted their offer of $4,600 as a settlement. <@Yaakov> And then fell over. % <@avar> now 30% left of delta! <@avar> was 70% before, whee <@avar> This is going much better now that I had a couple of beers and took the viewpoint that nobody deserves a perldelta, but still. % <@arcanez> gphat++ # "mysql is ok if you tickle it right" < szbalint> and by tickle it right: you jam a bunch of feathers up your ass % < edenc> the only bang maps I had in 2004 were the routes to 3 brothels near college < cfedde> there you go. < cfedde> rule 34 % < qiyong> mauke, why kick me? what law i violated? < mauke> qiyong: sentience % < f00li5h> if you're on fire, and you ask someone to help you with directions, you'd expect them to put you out first < DrForr> The other underlying problem is if they're on fire they're usually too busy running around screaming to listen to anyone. % < apeiron> Because that's smart. < apeiron> oh wait < apeiron> fucking stupid fucking programmers * apeiron gets a chainsaw % < QtPlatypus> hale: Is english your second language or are you a cat? % < Altreus> phpmyadmin is useful -- it's much easier to tweak a glob of HTML text in a form field than to try to put it on the command line < Altreus> you might be wondering why there's full HTML in the database < Altreus> don't % <@pndc> Funnily, all of the people I know from Yorkshire drink like fish. Probably because there's not much else to do on long winter evenings. <@pndc> I did meet one chap who didn't drink beer, but it turned out he was actually from the Midlands. % * hercynium hugs purl * purl hugs hercynium back * hercynium pets the bot * purl furiously humps hercynium's leg % <@sungo> I have this sudden vision of sex with francis bean while Smells Like Teen Spirit plays. <@sungo> she'd be crying. <@sungo> to be fair, most women that have sex with me cry openly. % < mst> shame it isn't shaped like a large black rubber cock then < Renasci> mst just wants one in him < mst> alice tried that. it didn't fit. < Panda> If that was the c- dammit matt. % <@confound> your users are put off by anything more complicated by a stick and even then they'd just poke themselves in the eye with it % <@ether> I have no solution for this other than to stay on my ivory tower and try to silo off my code away from the idiots % < theorbtwo> He could have tried ringing the bell. < castaway> we should add flashing leds.. < mdk> And a sign that lights up when you knock declaring "ring the flipping bell 'tard" % < michae1m> frew: looks like CSTA might sit on top of SIP (or other things) < michae1m> like appletalk over TCP/IP % <@mdk> timebot: scadmion:conversation about quote in PROJECT:45 < timebot> mdk: unknown project scadmion; add it to the map? <@mdk> timebot: fuck you it's late and I've been working a lot < timebot> mdk: invalid duration : must match /^\d+$/ (patches welcome) % <@rjbs> wait is "cleansing" slang for a blowjob now? < hercynium> if it can be used to refer to cunnilingus I could claim to have participated in "ethnic cleansing" % < apeiron> Except PHP is a pile of goat shit infected with AIDS. < apeiron> And that's on a good day. % < mst> nanonyme: warning: CMSes are generally a lesson in pure liquid hate < thrig> * liquid state depends on pressure and temperature. hate may be gaseous. Check your hate supplier for details. % * cat-xeger snuffles and snivels * mst hugs cat-xeger and passes the coffee pot * cat-xeger returns 418 % 08:06 < shevek> A man is waving a live pig. 08:07 * random ponders what to do to .... eh? 08:09 < random> you can't just leave that one there shevek... 08:10 < Dom> It depends on how happy the pig is % < TorgoX> Since I figured out a compromise between sh and csh (give up on quotes, just \ everything), I thought OH SURELY CMD.EXE MUST ALSO OH GOD MY HEAD WITH A MALLET % Person 1: “look a raptor for Perl 5″ Person 2: “Yeah they’re all dinosaurs, hahahaha” Person 1: “Hahahaha…erk” Raptor: CHOMP. % 00:15 -!- sungo_nook has joined 00:16 < sungo_nook> I'M SO HAPPY I'LL STAB YOUR ASS 00:35 < sungo_nook> i hate you all 00:35 -!- sungo_nook has quit [Quit: nooky] % < TorgoX> [rousing] "Should oooooold acquaintance beeeee forgot, and never brought to mind?..." Wait. Magic 8-ball says: YES. OK, done. Is this Ceremony open-bar? % <@ct> everything in the iOS SDK is named like itsMotherfuckingVariableTimeCanIGetAHellYeah % <@stevan> get your boss to hire us as consultants and we will pollute your water supply with OSS fever <@stevan> (basically by pissing in the coffee pots, but dont tell anyone thats how it spreads) % < joel> "I'm into leather, uniform, and I never practice unsafe metaclass composition" % <@preaction> but I thought 80% of statistics were made up on the spot * spot wishes people would stop making up statistics on me % * rjbs asks "do you swallow?" <@rjbs> Very few applicants correctly respond, "I snowball." % <@mdk> Tickets f MK ar booke <@mdk> Ths keyboard s annn smeme <@mdk> FUCK % < kate> edenc: followed by the 'moon on a stick' button, in a new colour no ones ever seen before, on a page I'd like you to guess, yesterday. thanks :) % < Supermous> oh bother. spice has discovered she can reach my wind chime < Labrat> hang it higher or chop a bit of your cat % <@kyriel> I incurred an ankle inversion while chasing a bunch of raping ducks % -!- theorbtwo is now known as bronzebeard <@bronzebeard> Yarr! <@bronzebeard> Wait, pirate, not dwarf. -!- bronzebeard is now known as redbeard % * Dorward has taken to writing down usernames and passwords on post it notes and hiding them in the battery compartment of remote controls. % <@PerfDave> I'm sure most perl mongers would forego a pint to save a pony from being shot. <@mst> depends. do I get to eat the pony afterwards? <@richardc> I might have someone hold my pint while I shoot it % > We, as their ops team, have informed them that, as java developers, they > should be used to getting fucked in the ass. We're just going to > shove one more thing up there. What's one more dick when you already have XML shoved in there? % < frew> !!! < frew> wtf < frew> there's a nail in this mango! % < sng> Real question I was just asked "How do you restart PHP?" < epitaph> I agree it needs doing. Remove all repos and do the thing over < sng> Sadly that's not what he meant. % -!- B2BF [~User@81-95-215-194.pool.linky.ru] has joined #perl < B2BF> hi! < B2BF> need help < Su-Shee> need more sentence. % <@sungo> cat-xeger: we're just not that kind of person. If the job doesn't follow me home, I usually go back and tie it to my leg % < thrig> I mention vendorisms in the event someone else stumbles into the sideshow-bob-in-rake-factory that is Linux % < cessna> -- someone asked me what /root directory was for, i told them it is where the superuser stores his porn collection % * kent\n knows somebody with a black lab huntaway cross, I swear, people should breed armies of those things because they could be a renewable energy source % <@joel> ffs Apple <@joel> I ran Activity Monitor to see where all my CPU was going <@joel> activitymonitord is using >70% of it <@joel> FUCK YOU JOBS % < TorgoX> I think AI, in the form of ~distributed~ stupidity, has emerged. Its neurons are Excel spreadsheets, and its synapses are PowerPoint presentations. % <@joel> circumcision caused me to be stuck in an office with a man who likes anal fisting enough to tattoo himself with it? <@fahad> joel: I though you said it was on the back of his neck, not he arse crack. and what are you doing looking down there any way? % <@ribasushi> I am going to pretend I didn't see that, and let you think for 20 secs before you say something dumb again % < mst> Altreus: use Moose::Autobox; my @list = $thing->flatten; * sirgrim crosses legs < sirgrim> do not talk about flattening things while i'm unprepared % < ew73> BUSINESS CASUAL IN PORTLAND IS WHEN YOU WEAR PANTS AND A SHIRT WITH 2 OR MORE BUTTONS % <@f0rk> purl, be sungo <+purl> god i need heroin for this % <@mako132> chargrill: how come everytime I eat a 1/2lb of bacon you call me fatty mcfatty? <@mst> mako132: he's a hiporkrite <@nperez> sadtrombone.com % <@perigrin> ct: ping? <@ubu> no route to bacon. % <@sungo> phone menu systems need an option for "we're about to put you on hold. press 2 if you'd like us to stop playing this shitty music" % <@perigrin> okay according to my modem I'm rate limited to 25Mbps <@perigrin> according to speed tests I get roughly 12 out of it <@ct> this is the point where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? :) <@ct> I'd throat punch a priest for 12 % <@joel> Vim(28194,0x100c04000) malloc: *** error for object 0x10189de00 <@osfameron> how did you do that? <@joel> changing tabs! <@osfameron> see, tabs *ARE* evil! % -!- Netsplit *.net <-> *.split quits: nhandler < mrmist> did we just lose something? < tomaw> lindbohm fell off the internet * mrmist searches under the internet % 16:14 <@LeoNerd> Any case I find is either snug around but too short, or long enough but way too loose and wide 16:14 <@LeoNerd> (please don't quote me out of context, but) my lens is just too damn long % < LeoNerd> You do know, however, if you write a proper C interpreter in Perl, I -will- try running the perl VM using it. ;) < Khisanth> perl inside perl inside perl ... ? < LeoNerd> Someone heard I like Perl, you see % * lbr has a non-functional desire hd <@lbr> apparantly you're not supposed to spill beer on them % < casimir> one sec, client on phone asking me what FTP is.... % < Altreus> the plural of manager is hindrance % < Hor|zon> hmm that wouldn't have helped I don't think, after I said "it's just a plain TCP socket I'm reading and writing to" < Hor|zon> and he asked if that means apache < Hor|zon> and then we had a blank staring contest until he went away % < mauke_> well, fuck you too < mst> and the horse you rode in on? < LeoNerd> "and the horse, in upon which, you rode" surely? :) < mst> LeoNerd: fuck you and the pedantry you rode in on. % Day changed to Friday 13 May (...) <@sungo> I was done with this day on wednesday % Day changed to 21 May 2011 03:55 -!- Netsplit *.net <-> *.split quits: @warewolf, GumbyBRAIN, Robrt 03:57 <@apeiron> looks like warewolf got raptured. % * BinGOs had to get the washing in before the rapture started. <@BinGOs> er rain <@Zefram> rain of fire and earthquakes? <@BinGOs> I always confuse precipitation and prophecy % * Alyssa gives Phin a halberd. < Alyssa> Because people don't use them enough < Alyssa> It's a spear with an AXE on it! < Alyssa> What's NOT to like?! % <@sungo> our college radio station couldn't afford the fcc broadcast license so they attached the wire to the sewer lines for the college <@sungo> to get great reception, you had to put your radio in the sink % < epitaph> you hear about the dyslexic devil worshippers? They'd been warned abobut santa, but sacrificed a toga % "Actors or monads, the state is out there and you will have to reason about it somewhere. But better you reason about it in a well bounded shallow grave than in C." -- gbracha.blogspot.com % < jtal> I dont think firefox hates me. it feels more like playful harrasment % <@sungo> I'm glad I've already lost hope for humanity % < iHercynium> "we are accelerating innovation and leveraging untapped potential in emerging markets" < iHercynium> And predict a 20% increase in DONGS IN ASS BY THE END OF 2012 % <@rjbs> people who can't enjoy gluten are sub-human <@rjbs> and I don't say that lightly. my sister can't have it. <@rjbs> but the day I drowned her in the river, I knew I was doing the right thing. % * epitaph runs across a quote from Alvin Toffler: "You've got to think about big things while you're doing small things, so that all the small things go in the right direction." < epitaph> - work that out all on your own, did you, Sherlock? % < sng> The fact that so much of my youth was spent watching britcoms explains a LOT about me today. :) < epitaph> yes, you almost seem human, For an American ;) % < Demonen> Minecraft is _insane_ digital crack. < Demonen> OH, and I made one plugin I can't even pretend to release... < Demonen> You type /JIHAD (all upper case, or it won't happen) to explode with the force of 3 blocks of TNT % < mako132> i spilled chicken shwarma dressing all over the front of my shirt < mako132> it looks like a horse blew its load on me % < thrig> morse code via USR1 and USR2 signals < vincent> thrig: I wrote that! < vincent> but it wasn't a good idea % <@quicksilver> osfameron: whats a dancing bear? Googling for it gave me some answers that I rather regret. % <@f0rk> excel is not a database. <@f0rk> GumbyBRAIN: GAH < GumbyBRAIN> GAH FUCK FUCK FUCK F U C K N UR M O M G. (even MegaHALs hate excel ...) % < rjbs> WHY THE FUCK IS THERE A DOT IN THIS BRANCH NAME? < rjbs> KHHHAAAANNNNN % <@waltman> I've decided that God must love Christians more than Jews or Muslims, since they're the only ones he lets eat bacon. % * bs338 looked a some C++0x notes the other day < bs338> that's one scary, scary language syntax wise < bs338> Womble Womble((Womble)Womble) (from freenode #perl ... yes, there's syntax that scares perl users :) % <@ilmari> someone _really_ needs to create a smoke-me/a-kipper branch % < doug> i'm not particularly happy using rails < doug> i've done a lot of crying this year. <@DrForr> I recommend more lube then. < doug> won't the lube just make the rails slide in deeper? % < Su-Shee> if mankind actually manages an AI, the first thing it'll say is "STOP POKING ME". % < HuntGone> There's an entire isobar of Emos hanging around outside < HuntGone> Emos or Goths...not sure how you tell the difference < Kincaid> Goffs are more stylish < Kincaid> Goths have horned helmets, and are stealing your cows % <@chip> hrm. I wonder if ENOENT was a reference to LOTR all along % I've more or less destroyed a laptop by dropping it off the top of a printer where it was balanced as I had to lift lid of said printer to fix a.paper jam apparently I don't understand gravity when hung over.. % <@bob> in normal operation mongo wil only write to disk every 60 seconds. <@bob> this enables it to be webscale. % < yrlnry> I've started using a lisp style for indenting parentheses and the like when writing Perl. So far nobody has complained. < mauke> I've started using a C style for indenting parentheses and the like when writing Lisp. So far everybody has complained. % < f00li5h> FFFFFF! connection dropped while apt-get installing screen... which i was installing so that apt-get wouldn't lock when the connection dropped while installing shit * f00li5h hates everything % hwp13Z F*ck, turn my back for 2 seconcds and the small child has the laptop How did he learn to flip channels I just said random shite in 12 different places % <@sungo> ok. <@sungo> that's it <@sungo> I'm fucking burning it all down <@sungo> they've made a live action smurfs movie with doogie howzer % <@castaway> contrary to popular belief, the faq is not "ask the channel"... % < jkeats> i think the real problem was just the irssi reconnect rate < jkeats> he got banned and came to me saying that OMG i must be the ALL KNOWING ALL SEEING of irc since i'd been using it since BEFORE THERE WAS AOL % <@claes> protestants are quite easy to deal with.. catholics otoh <@mst> catholics are fine. you just need lubricant and a pillow. <@claes> what's the pillow for? % <@cat-xeger> woh utrnod on the ufcking lights <@mst> cat-xeger: me. <@cat-xeger> fucker of unelan animals % < naath> I hate the idea of advertising PMS cures to men full stop though; considering the number of people (mostly men and my mother) who have claimed I "have PMS" when what I actually have is a raging case of "thinking they are an obnoxious idiot" % <@LeoNerd> LeoNerd-- # layer 8 error % <@castaway> t0m: the fcgiserver goes boom, is all I know <+osfameron> castaway: did you accidentally replace your fcgiserver with basil brush? % <@mst> mother mine is 'Sandra Norma Maria Trout' <@mst> that's confusing enough to most people <@dylan> My grandpa said to never trust someone with two first names <@dylan> and your mom has three and a fish. Hmmm... % edit/teco/nocommand sys$login:[what.the.fuck.am.i.doing.on.vms]ohgodhelp.txt ... wait, "fuck" isn't a proper part of a VMS filespec. -- nrr on twitter % <@cfedde> when I was answering support email I had a bunch of macros. WTF expanded to "I'm not sure I understand your question" and STFU expanded to "I think a bit more research is needed here. Perhaps you can reformulate your quesion more clearly." % And have you ever tried stracing a java app? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU uck you, right up the futex WITH NO LUBE % < Somni> Su-Shee: logical users? rainbow-colored unicorns! % <@osfameron> IPA+49A1F IRONIC SQUEAK OF ANGUISHED TABBY CAT % <@acme> ow ow ow hot * quicksilver shows acme the correct way to hold an iron <@joel> it'd be fine if people would stop phoning him while he's ironing % < castaway> soo.. why does it let me in then close the connection? < mst> castaway: russians. < epitaph> yep, it's those damn Russians with their vodka and their gulags and their shells set to /bin/true since it's not a login account % * DrHyde receives SIGBED * DrHyde hits C-ZZZZzzzzz % < ether> no toolchain yet supports configure_requires afaik < mst> uh, 5.10.1+ toolchain did < ether> ah well in that case I'm out to lunch and should be ignored :) * ether slinks back to her corner to play with her blocks. % Electricity distribution is one of the few things that the British aren't crap at. We're also not crap at beer, although I do have to perform regular tests to ensure that it's still good. -- pndc, in a.s.r % * random wonders what a blue box on a black screen with the message System Disable [longnumber] means and suspects it is "kitten has been playing on me" % < ncow> well this is pretty fucking strange.... < ncow> I've discovered that if you tar (uncompressed) the entire PHP-5.3.6 source code, reverse the whole thing, and then mount it as iso9660, you get the contents of an AOL cd. % < kentnl> ie: "oh, my drive has been automatically mounted read only, I'll just fsck and remount it rw" was not the smartest move I've made. % < kentnl> Its such a fine line between "If you touch something, and it hurts, and you do it again, you're an idiot" and "If you touch something, and it hurts, and you do it again, you're a scientist" % < mst> SEO people think? < quicksilver> they go through some process after which they produce advice. In the interests of continuing to enjoy my lunch I choose to call this process 'thinking'. % ... I've just walked past a pet store and seen a bald guinea pig. Uh. And you thought they looked stupid -with- their hair on. % * davidfetter comes up with a way to replace u with a script: perl -pi -e 's/u/a script/g' $(find . -type f) < mstratman> davidfetter: are yoa script sa scriptre yoa script want to do that? % <@pjcj> oh nice, locate has --regex and --regexp options that are different things <@pjcj> I think I'll send in a patch for a --regexen option % < perlsyntax> Is there any other tool better then net::pcap < LeoNerd> Better tool for -what-? < perlsyntax> i just need something to do networking with over the internet. % everbong: i almost got blowed up back in the day.. thats how i got the name everbong: this lady came up to a small group of us, saying something, and i was like "everbong?? wtf??" we started to walk away and she exploded everbong: apparantly she was saying "i have a bomb" in fail english % "Is the server down?" = My screen resolution set to 800x600 "Is the server up?" = I have somehow erased my hard drive "Could you put it on the server?" = Why isn't the file magically appearing (jrhoffa on reddit) on my desktop? % < Edmund> if there was a Third-World Coup board game -- and there probably is -- you'd get 15 victory points for the airport and 5 each for the TV station and the radio station % <@BinGOs> I had an urge to remember tcl the other night. <@BinGOs> then I woke up 3 days later in a ditch. % < merlinm> what we have now is a bunch of code written by 2 dozen devs over 3 continents, that looks like (at least to me) regular code that was picked up and dropped from a height of about 5 feet % < avar> But then again it's easy to tune MySQL < avar> 1. If your operation is a hash lookup everything's OK < avar> 2. If it's not you're fucked < avar> 3. You want to use SQL as a reporting engine? BWAHAHAHAA % <@joel> what is the significance of the exclamation marks? <@mullet> joel: a line of very drunk men, arses out, "TALKAUDIO!!!" written across the cheeks <@mullet> cameras-- # proof % <@f0rk> goddamnit, I forgot we had no water and tried to wash my hands <@f0rk> I had to wash the soap off with bud light, nearest thing I had to water % <@mst> you have to turn quoting on. < davidfetter> mst, do you play it barry white tunes? buy it flowers? <@mst> davidfetter: silk rope and a good flogger. quote() is a sub, after all. < davidfetter> ugh. ETOOMUCHINFORMATION % < xiong> I put my development perl in /rad, which hopefully, nobody expects. % <@mullet> Right, so it was modernizr-2.0.6.js that Chrome recognised as a font. Epic fail. <@Zefram> did it have serifs? % < mauke> where are your bytes coming from? < xchg> network < mauke> please be more vague, otherwise we might be able to help you % <@autarch> I really wasn't trying to sound southern, just ignorant % <@HellKat> My irc net is full of furries, (not to be confused with the hovercraft btw), there's insanity on perl.org and the dog eats peaches, life doesn't get any weirder. % <@stevan> that was when we pressed all our tarballs in vinyl <@stevan> such better sound quality % <@osfameron> I'd find it hard to use Mason. One hand would be trying to type the Mason code, while the other drove a hot poker into my brain, to attempt to expunge whatever mental abnormality or demonic possession had taken over my brain. % < LeoNerd> print "\e[31mThis text is red\e[m\n"; < LeoNerd> If your terminal doesn't recognise theabove, it's because it is a glass teletype from the 1970s and you should get a newer one % error: Connection reset by peer] < alpha--> Inappropriate ioctl for device at ./x.pl line 20 < alpha--> >< ... < LeoNerd> Perhaps the device is under 18 years old? < thrig> 18 may vary, check jailbait.h % < alh> If you play golf with Perl for code you expect to reuse and distribute I will play golf with your head and my nine iron :) % 21:19 AGH. KITTEN STOP EATING MY SPLIFF 21:20 no, rly. I can't leave one in the ashtray whilst using the loo. 21:20 It'll be under the soda, and they'll be 6 foot away chewing on the recently removed roach % * mst totally didn't expect that much crack hiding in such a relatively simple piece of code < f00li5h> mst: caution. programmers. % < tm604> Sys::CpuAffinity::setAffinity($$, [CPUs_that_firefox_isn't_burning_holes_in]) # might be useful for getting some stable benchmark results :/ % <@joel> "Sunderland footballer charged with two counts of sexual assault and one of urinating in a public place" <@joel> is it wrong that my first thought was "what, concurrently?" ? % <@hachi> shit read performance on nfs server, days of coworkers 'fixing' it with various methods <@sungo> my nfs server gets shit read performacne <@sungo> because I turned it off % < mauke> Mithaldu: map f [x1, x2, x3, ...] = [f(x1), f(x2), f(x3), ...] < mauke> NOW YOU ARE A MAP MASTER < Mithaldu> i can't read that D: < mauke> you need a decoder monoid % < purge> mst is using mongoDB? i hope they have a swearbox. < mdk> purge: the swearbox melted % < deever> i'd like to get 'org.example.domain' out of 'domain.example.org' < thrig> perl -E 'say join q{.}, reverse split /[.]/, shift' ... < derf0> ${(j:.:)${(Oas:.:)input}} < thrig> that perl! line noise, I tell you. % < jayne> linux's formula for load average is something like iowait+cpu+/dev/random < niko> s/dev\/random/kde/ % < GiANTgOOf> (sometimes I wonder why I bother with paying for this crappy ADSL, it's never up for very long...) < pol> That's the Asymmetric bit < pol> It's down more than it's up % <@rjbs> I forgot about cyber monday. <@rjbs> forgetting++ <@rjbs> drinking++ <@rjbs> huh? % < anno> map /arse/ ? $_ : (), @array; # find arse with map % <@sungo> I think my Roomba needs the "stop humping the bookcase" software update. % < _sri> mongodb is still very young < _sri> it's very hot in the startup scene < rsimoes> because the startup scene is full of insufferable hipsters who latch on to anything with good marketing % <@SiGNOUT> Breaking News : CERN to announce that LHC has "gone beyond Higgs and found answers to how Oracle does licensing" <@murb> SiGNOUT: not plausible. <@murb> SiGNOUT: that information won't escape the event horizon. % <@autarch> mst: that's my ass with the light bulb, thank you <@mst> no, you're the one gently easing it into rjbs' rectal cavity % <@sungo> Originally, Metcalfe worked with DEC, Intel and Xerox to promote ethernet as a standard <@sungo> they called the "DIX Standard" <@sungo> it is 100% valid to say that the internet runs on DIX % <@cxreg> "This is unix. I can't even log in!" #accuratejurassicpark % <@mst> happy new year motherfuckers <@sungo> fuck you <@perigrin> she wasn't a mother when I started fucking her. % < Hunter> Sodding bird has learned to imitate the low-battery beep on the smoke alarm... < mst> I can imagine how annoying that would be but it's quite hard to feel sympathetic -and- laugh this hard at the same time :) % man, i've been coding all day and am now very grateful that time-travel isn't possible. 'cause if it was, coding would be fucking painful; every day my future self would appear and punch my present self for being such a fucktard. % <@bigpresh> "ssh boxname eject" targetted at a machine a cat is sitting in front of: entertainment for geeks. % < Creeture> My puppy ate 2 crayons, some Play Doh, and a pack of cigs one day. The next day was…interestingly colored. % <@mst> I've got a great idea, but I'm not sure where I can get twelve chickens and a gallon of lube at sufficiently short notice < ribasushi> mst: I can furnish 19 snails, one ferret, and 5 virgins covered in oil - will that do? % <@leont> I'm about to perlbug a behavior of perl using the exact sentence it's commented with 7 times: 'only "parent" interpreter can diddle signals', but having just looked up the meaning of the word diddle I'm not so sure I should… % <@sungo> OWOWOWOWJESUSCHRIST * sungo just blew his nose, forgetting about the swollen-shut ear canal <@sungo> Fuck seeing stars. I can see dark matter % < fuzzix> mst: No, no, no, normal and day-to-day behaviour must be reached for and caught as exceptional. < fuzzix> mst: Every line of code is a 'try' - it's agile % < alh> Mithaldu: apeiron hates everything except hugs. < alh> He loves hugs. < apeiron> protip: alh looks to be too young to drink. < apeiron> that's because he is. % <@ct> "Justin Hunter has endorsed your work with the comment 'Great worker other than the kleptomania and heroin addiction'" % < HuntGone> Flowers and a meal first! You know the rules! < HuntGone> And not out of the cemetary like last time. The meat was gamey < HuntGone> And I don't like Lilies. < HuntGone> Not while she's still wearing them % < LeoNerd> #define true 0 /* Where is your god now?? */ < mauke> rookies < mauke> #define if(X) if (!(X)) % you know, life's better without having to spend time taking shit from socially awkward retards whose only outlet is when they expunge bile on the internet inbetween wanking sessions and yet I'm still talking to you % <@perigrin> mst: you should see his talk comparing 65 different CMS implementations ... the best half hour you'll ever spend. <@sungo> I don't know. sex and the 25 minutes of crying might be better % < waltman> Kitten huffing is based on the false premise that kittens have souls to begin with. % <@mst> ruby culture includes stomping on other people's namespaces <@scrottie> it's not stomping. just tickling their namespaces. on the inside. <@hobbs> doesn't that lead to vomiting? <@scrottie> depends on which hole you use. % < thrig> yeah, I knew a sysadmin who wrote his own killall, then ran the vendor one instead < thrig> ... after the box came back up, we ... % * mst sobs gently into his coffee <@bob> stop diluting it % <@ilmari> Memory::Usage just parses /proc/$pid/statm <@Nicholas> cool. that's going to work on both kinds of OS % <@sungo> I changed a bunch of my passwords recently <@sungo> I'm staring to think I should change them again to "$old_password^U$new_password" % <@cxreg> you dont write java <@cxreg> eclipse writes java <@DrForr> In Soviet Russia... <+purl> joke is tired of you % < mst> oh crap, nobody told me your were israeli < sawyer_> man fuck israel < sawyer_> er... a comma might be better there < sawyer_> man, fuck israel % The PM said, “This meeting was useful. Should we set up a recurring meeting on this subject?” So I stabbed him in the heart. % * mst sets everything on fire for being a pain in the ass because when it's on fire it's less painful when inserted rectally? says someone who never tried to play with anal beads after chopping serranno peppers % < asarch> I had an English teacher in University < asarch> She was from London < asarch> Her name was Holi < asarch> She liked a lot mangoes % < mjd_> "How many SEO experts do you need to exchange a light bulb, lightbulb, light bulb, energy saving light bulb, blowjob, xxx, free porn" % < apeiron> SSD++ # indeed < t0m> GTFO if you think they're a good idea in database servers ;_) < apeiron> t0m, holy MTBF, batman! < t0m> apeiron: that stands for Mysql Trashed, Business Fucked, right? % < TorgoX> I've been in DENIAL about the W3C doing anything later than HTML 4.01 ... because last I heard, they had the BRILLIANT IDEA of "XHTML 2.0". But... they seem to have FORKED HTML! Once into XHTML 2.0 and another way into HTML 5.0. TIME TO EAT A GUN, SIR TIMMY. % < thrig> beware that vendors often misname encodings, I'm looking at you Windows and your ANSI encoding. < Cipher-0> That's because Microsoft follows standards the same way pike follow migrating caribou. % <@itz> During the festivities, a relevant passage in the Talmud advices celebrants to drink until one cannot distinguish between the phrases "Cursed is Haman" and "Blessed is Mordecai." <@osfameron> Jewish lore is truly very wise % < spb> there's something quite satisfying about returning home, looking in the fridge to see what you've got to eat, and ending up with some good cheese, crackers, and half a bottle of st emilion < spb> makes me feel that somewhere i made a good decision in life % < kthakore> That ... is kinda hoat! < kthakore> what < kthakore> hoat = ??? fuck if I know <@dngor> I'm on a hoat. % <@scrottie> apeiron: I tought a Bioinformatics class at ASU a few months back. getting everyone running Perl took *weeks*. <@scrottie> it's amazing the capacity grad students have for hearing something and then deciding it doesn't apply to them. % < kruug> best insult to date: What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and I forget the rest but your mother's a whore. < kruug> more: http://littleyee0.tripod.com/worldorder/id6.html % GAH! the cache isn't populated until the data is fetched I need to frame this % * rafl (rafl@cpan.developer.FLORA) has joined #ru.pm germans overtake #ru.pm ! don't worry about it. we're not usually very good at that not in the long run, anyway % * mst figures no harm being nice given he's being < apeiron> wat * apeiron rearranges the words < apeiron> oh % < Fredz> I like how my /whois shows now "Is using a secure connection" < Fredz> Of course I use a secure connection bitch, I IRC FROM A BOAT. % < mauke> '$' x 6 # MAKE $$$$$$ FAST % < triddle> my absolute favorite bug from Arcadia: when a player has his fishing pole equiped and it goes back into inventory a dead duck will fall out of your ass, twitch, and chase you around the map if you run away from it % < ________________> Also, I'd bake a cake for christel too... <+tdubellz> for the second time today, ask again in a month. <+christel> make that 2 months, i'm on a diet -- too many chocolate eggs over easter and as such cake is offtopic for freenode % < dax> today's xkcd alttext: "Don't fire until you see through the fragile facade to the human being within." < dax> funny, that's when I ban people % triddle: I don't know a good drum set from a bad drum set from ruby on rails % <@apeiron> if my kid wanted a minecraft server I'd give him a VAX and tell him to set it up there <@apeiron> FBSD is too easy <@apeiron> herp derp cd `whereis -qs minecraft` && make install % <@dngor> Does anyone on a soap opera ever have just one nice day? <@negelirelden> Yes, but then they get amnesia. % <@ct> whoever made the buffalo sauce at the burrito place today was very angry <@ubu> you'd be angry too if you had to squeeze a buffalo. % ... ...... ... ... ... Fucking php % < triddle> how to deal with a vegan: figure out how much land it takes to make loaf of bread, then fill a sack full of dead field mice and worms cut in half equivalent to the destruction related to harvesting and planting the wheat, and throw that next to their bread % <@itz> this has to be one of the most stupid questions ever <@itz> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-17826515 <+dipsy> [ BBC News - Could teenagers be stopped from looking at porn? ] % * lbr missed perl -E 'say scalar localtime 1333333337' and starts patiently waiting 380 years till next time % <@joel> Do people use etc in the real world? <@ash> occasionally <@osfameron> not just people. sometimes starling flocks form themselves into "" spontaneously. nobody knows why. % < castaway> "That which does not kill you should piss you off so much that you kill whoever did it, which makes you stronger" % On Google interviews: <@triddle_vc> a chicken, a fox, and my ego are on a boat - prove to me I know more than you do? % < intgr> Let the benchmarks settle this! :) < davidfetter> o/` let the benchmarks hit the floor o/` < davidfetter> o/` let the benchmarks hit the floor o/` < davidfetter> o/` let the benchmarks hit the floor o/` % < mdk> Need for speed ha < mdk> a two player < mdk> mode < mdk> Fracking cat % < thrig> perlbot: chimp < perlbot> thrig: chimp VARIABLE, chimp( LIST ). Removes any trailing chimpanzee. It returns the total number of chimpanzees removed from all its arguments. Use with care. % < kd> I remember one winter in edinburgh that was so cold that it turned out that dog sitting was a really good move % <@perigrin> luckily changing production code is trivial, just make your changes and wait for it to fall over <@perigrin> when it restarts your changes go live. % @halcy: why is everyone all about cannibalism today @humblefool: @halcy that's not what "eating someone out" means. % < rindolf> Well, technically speaking a hash is the data structure implementation of the Dictionary Abstract Data Type (ADT). < raj> yes it is :) < mst> OH SHIT LOOK OUT HERE COMES A CS % < sauvin> whilst ($word->is_cromulent) { ... } % < rjbs> In the rjbs/OS relationship, I am the sub. This is why I run OS X. % * perigrin once had a GM ponder a "Summon Giant Ant" spell that basically conjured a 10' Potato Chip ... and then you just waited. % <@DrHyde> sorry, CPANdeps and cpXXXan are down <@DrHyde> i sent the NOC guys a picture of a kitten instead of ranting at them like my boss suggested, and went straight to the head of the ticket queue, so should be back up soon % One version of a disclaimer on the 'List of serial killers by number of victims' page of wikipedia has the words, "Please do not expand the list by killing people." % If you want me to explain something to you, try asking politely and assuming good faith on my part. Otherwise, go shove your shitty attitude up your gaping rectal cavity, and once you've pushed it far enough up there you can feel it tickling your tonsils, then come back and we'll try again. % There are three types of people. Those who know what they're doing and know they know, those who don't know what they're doing and know they don't, and those who don't know what they're doing but think they do. (The trick is to know when you're currently in the last group ...) % < idn> He wants demographic info about the members. One of the questions is "Male / Female" which I'm going to have a little rant with. < idn> To quote Captain Jack: "You people and your quaint little categories" % -!- robkinyon1 [~robkinyon@4.28.12.34] has joined #dbix-class <@jhannah> o_O <@mst> THEY'RE BREEDING < robkinyon1> stupid VPN % Day changed to 2012-05-24 ... < rjbs> just found: return UNIVERSAL::isa(@_); # Whatever. -- rjbs, 2007-05-04 % <@ct> I think my favorite bit of trivia from that movie is that when they blew up the Michael Moore marionette, they first filled it with ham % <@rjbs> DrHyde: nm I'm starting to see that this is a bit of a rabbit hole * hobbs offers rjbs two pills % < mst> freenode spammers are WEIRD < mst> "ViveElNorte invites you to #toiletbowlstumpsex" < quicksilver> mst: well that meets my definition of a good friday evening, and it's not even 5pm yet. You live a charmed life. % <@mstevens> PerfDave: earlier they were playing bon jovi, now it's just constant thudding noises <@joel> I think I have that record <@joel> did you enquire where the drop was? % * epitaph wishes whoever is setting the car alarm off outside would hurry up and steal the damn car % < sng> They make me wear pants every day *and* not drink heavily at my desk. What kind of bullshit is that? < theorbtwo> sng: Are you sure? Have you tried coming to work in a skirt? < sng> Dude this is Texas. % <@mako132> well shit. <@mako132> I think this linode's been rooted * sungo pees on the ashes of mako132's geek card <@mako132> fuck. % < rjbs> if msg.level >= 2: msg.info("foo") < rjbs> for different values of 2 and info < rjbs> so why isn't there a msg.info_at(2, "foo")? < rjbs> because fuck you % <@mordy_> The Mantissa. A data creature of monstrous proportions. 113 bits long and 34 bits wide, it is capable of eating several million bits per second and is feared by all other data types. Watch Mantissa: Return to Ninveh, Tonight at 9:30, only on PBS % <@rjbs> One of the best things about a glass desk is that when something seems lost in the clutter, I can scoot down under it and find things from the bottom up. % < hobbs> I actually had a beer that I thought was alright at Peculier once, but I don't know what it was, because I *ordered* a Magners % <@DrHyde> there is a stupid bee trying to fly through one of my windows. i thought they were supposed to be able to see UV <@schmooster> DrHyde: I act like that when I'm on pollen too <@schmooster> hayfever's nasty sometimes % < castaway> but Monday is all fresh'n'shiny! * Dorward looks at castaway * Dorward looks at castaway again * Dorward drops castaway in the pond % < apeiron> epitaph, you are in a maze of twisty linux distributions, all alike. from somewhere you're not sure of, you hear soft chanting. it sounds like 'freebsd! freebsd! freebsd!' % * Patterner licks purl * purl invites Patterner to channel #botsex. * apeiron licks purl * purl rusts. % try.hs:5:1: My brain just exploded I can't handle pattern bindings for existential or GADT data constructors. In a pattern binding: T x = T "where is your god now?" % <@lathos> php -r '$b = function() { echo 1; }; $a = function () { echo 2; $b(); }; $a();' <@lathos> That code should work, surely. <@lathos> I think I'm going to have to rewrite this in a programming language. % Dear NoSQL developers, binding to all IPs by default when you don't do authentication should require a --goatse option to configure dude, it's NoSQL, that's like telling a lawyer to think about his soul % < t0m> I may have to move back to a hairstyle I could iron % < Yaakov> I think a zeppelin would make a powerful point… < Yaakov> Unfortunately, it would be something like, "you lot are a bucket of fruitbats". % < HuntAFK> Taking the rest of the day off, dead. If you want me, please leave a message (quietly) after the whimper % <@apeiron> I think right now my theory is "llarian threw up in its mouth a little" and some users got dislodged as a result % < lexie> I /am/ a genius. and modest. < lexie> and according to amy, sweet, innocent and pure. < mst> lexie: pure as the yellow snow :D * lexie wrinkles her nose % <@rjbs> perl-- <@mst> rjbs: AND WHOSE FAULT IS THAT <@chargrill> "this shit was all fucked up by the guy BEFORE me" <@rjbs> Great, now I'm Obama. % < apeiron> I can answer questions. Whether they're *right* answers... < Kassandry> Well, that's the usual disclaimer, isn't it? < Kassandry> YMMV, TIMTOWTDI, warranty void in $place_of_residence < Kassandry> May cause vampire walrus invasions. % <@chargrill> cwest: thank gods you shaved off that crazy old man beard < cwest> chargrill: Only one man can have the ridiculous sideburns I was growing. That man is mst. % < Nijntje> why on earth are there small children screaming outside? i didn't even set the bear traps % < Caelum> oracle xe for windows is 32bit only, oracle xe for linux is 64bit only... < Caelum> my linux is 32bit and my windows is 64bit < nebulous> Well there's your problem right there. You're using Oracle. % < edenc> I basically dropped out of the research career because I had no patience for the gruesome amount of politics that came with it < aurum> *nod* i've been relatively sheltered from that so far < edenc> yeah, now I'm safely sheltered behind mst's chainsaw :) % <@yPad> This isn't horrible. I could use this if I had to. <@yPad> I can type about 25 won <@yPad> Women <@yPad> W P M % <@mauke> "This implicit use of $_ greatly simplifies the filter." <- fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you % < druthb> I love children ... they're wonderful, stir-fried, with a little garlic butter ... :P % Hey Brian, have you found out about hallway++ yet? FUCK YOU I love you too, Brian NO, NOT FUCK YOU, FUCK HIM ... (turns to mst) YOU FUCKING FUCKER % < sng> Gah. Loadbalancers have more knobs than your mom at Fort Bragg... % <@perigrin> I still enjoy the memory of the British Midlands airline steward when asked by my dad's girlfriend to bring her a cup of tea with some ice cubes in it. <@perigrin> "You want me to do what to your tea?" % <@perigrin> sungo: they have a 30 minutes or less deal <@sungo> funny. so do I <@perigrin> yes but theirs doesn't end with them sobbing. <@sungo> true. but either way, what you get at the end doesn't taste very good % the disadvantage of conference attendance: < cxreg> as i told my boss, "i spent the week around really smart motivated people who get a lot of shit done. then i went back to work" % < bricas> oh fuck. < bricas> my has_finished sub modifies the damn date. < bricas> IIIIIDIOT. * bricas goes to surgically have his palm removed from his forehead. % < dngor> Last one to touch the CGI has to maintain it. % < Botje> you pronounce it as 'ss', and it's being replaced by ss in modern german < Botje> it's just there to fuck with people who assume that length x == length lc(x) % @nrr: "i found where the perl scientists hang out!" "oh?" "#pdl (my head canon is that it's the perl watersports channel)" #shitiread % <@leont> Crap, some tests are suddenly failing <@leont> Because, you know, '0.40' is not equal to '0.4'… <@rjbs> try checking with ~~ % <@mst> you know how any sufficiently large C++ program contains an ad-hoc fucked up implementation of half of lisp? <@mst> when a sufficiently large DBI-backed program develops an ad-hoc fucked up implementation of half an ORM, they call it a DAL % <@f0rk> perlbot: chimp < perlbot> f0rk: chimp VARIABLE, chimp( LIST ). Removes any trailing chimpanzee. It returns the total number of chimpanzees removed from all its arguments. Use with care. % < mdk> Okay, officially that is cool. i love chocolate Labs < Penfold_> need to get him to come sniff at Matt < Penfold_> and then someone's cat to do the same. < Penfold_> after all, you'll know more after a lab test and a cat scan. % < CraigD> Pedantry - a place of pedants < CraigD> Coventry - a place of witches < CraigD> Daventry - a place of Daves % <@mako132> i give those cats all the fucking affection they deserve. When I'm not scratching my own balls I'm usually rubbing some cat's belly < mst> learn to multitask? :) <@dngor> Optimize. Rub your balls with a cat. % There’s a logical explanation, but: [ ] You’re not a logical person, and I can’t explain it to you. [ ] Do you want to educate fifty million users? [ ] That was in the 16th century, and they burned him at the stake. % <@dhoss> mst: did you ask them to give you two metal legs? < mst> dhoss: I considered it, but then I realised they'd be kinda cold when I wrap them over the shoulders of the girl fellating me <@dhoss> mst: you're always so selfless. % < Supermouse> oh gods, I've just worked out why we're having the summer we're having < Supermouse> if you think of the London 2012 Olympics as basically the country's biggest ever summer fete ... % chromatic: I see the value of xmonad when writing: one full-screen Vim window and one xterm. Zero non-cat distractions. % < mauke> I think it's funny[1] how xpath Just Works with html but has huge issues with xml < mauke> [1] in the "kill everybody" sense % < cwest> Whoever doesn't help cook breakfast has to help clean up after. < dngor> What if everyone decides to clean up. < cwest> Then we'll all starve. < cwest> I brought my own snacks anyway. And a beaver. % < sng> You start trying to fix the populous of ANY location and you just end up with 90 percent of them dead and nobody to make your lunch for you when you go to the sandwich shop. % <@mst> if you don't actually put any code after the rendering, no code will run after the rendering, logs will not magically appear, and unicorns will not materialise out of thin air and then fly off to fellate the nearest rainbow % <@joel> fucking MBP keycaps popping off all the bloody time <@osfameron> how hard are you hammering them? ;-) <@mst> try typing with your fingers instead of your forehead <@squeeks> mst++ # So that's what I was doing wrong the whole time % < edenc> ubuntu? you really like sodomizing your machines don't you < edenc> xp... oh dear, threesome sodomy % -!- mst changed the topic of #web-simple to: WS 018 Moo 1.0 HZ 009005 * ilmari was going to ask if this meant Role::Tiny was ready for 1.0 as well, then realised he just released 1.1.5 himself <@ilmari> *facepalm* % <@mst> I got an audience of about five < ambs> mst: that is usual, nobody likes you :) <@mst> then the second time somebody knocked the camera and turned it off < ambs> mst: I told you, nobody likes you :D % < cat-xeger> apparently it freaks people out when your response to them having a dead body in the flat downstairs is to recommend hot cocoa, a sweater, and oil of rosemary to block the smell % <@sungo> ugh. <@sungo> I didn't wash the Monster out of this mug well enough. Now I have Monster+office-coffee <@sungo> it's ... unpleasant % < random> Thought of the day: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET THERE YOU BASTARD ANIMAL < random> *ahem* < Labrat> you have a quantum cat < random> Yes, but sadly she can only quantum *in* % <@lbr> (which is a perfectly good reason that just because it seemed like a good idea at the time, it'll probably bite someone in the ass at some point) <@lbr> (this describes 37% of CPAN) % < Hunter> Also, they're used as incubators for accelerating viral and antibody growth...scientists who have a tiny quantity of a virus *pass it through pigeons* to get a large quantity out. < Hunter> They're the Bang and Olufsen Amplifiers of the viral world % < mst> DEAR BRAIN WHAT THE FUCK TIME DO YOU CALL THIS < dwu> 9am, dear. You may remember it from when I made coffee while you whined. < mdk> Had I known this was the way to get you up in the mornings i would have broken your leg years ago. % <@_Dave> tests++ # make refactoring easier <@t0m> s/easier/possible/ <@t0m> It's not refactoring if you don't have tests! It's just changing shit! % < mst> and christel wants a pony < mst> ... or at least a man hung like one ... < erry> /ponyserv pony christel < mst> shouldn't that be ponyserv service christel? :) % oh, atmail++ "We cut a hole in the drywall, and ran the wires out the back." now, why the hell do i care about that? hey, atmail. glory hole -- UR DOIN IT WRONG! % <@khw> How many lines of code are there very roughly in cpan? <@mst> a fucktonne <@LeoNerd> Metric or imperial? % (@eevee) oho ... mst is poly (~Trysdyn) What the fuck brain... I combined "Oho" and "$person is poly" into some weird big-O notation for polyamory, terminating at O(ho) as the biggest multi-directional clusterfuck imaginable % < teejay_pic> is that dorset? my brain starts to turn off when I think too hard about dorset as it's so fucking dull < teejay_pic> it's like a posher older duller version of south devon < teejay_pic> where people retire to when south devon is too exciting % < Su-Shee> Altreus: be happy that you do PHP! "A PHP dev with 2 years experience is getting a €100,000 starting salary." < tm604> sounds great until you realise that €80,000 of that will be spent on therapy :( % <@mst> quicksilver: therein, I suspect the answer - neither do I * quicksilver notices for the first time that therein is an anagram of neither <@SlayerXP> quicksilver: i was disappointed to notice that "I'm a shiny-faced cunt" isn't an anagram of "David Cameron" % <@SlayerXP> a colleague appears to have just done a subversion merge by using the time honoured technique of copying everything he wanted to merge over the top of what he wanted to merge it to and then commiting. % < mst> melo: but that would just make me cry :( < melo> cry, baby, cry… :) * mst leans up in the pram and throws his toys at melo's head < melo> mst: foreplay at this time in the morning? % <@schm00ster> what's a pension? <@PerfDave> It's a bit like a Fleshlight for Gordon Brown ;) % <@SlayerXP> what's actually happening is that puppet is restarting named and syslog the hard way and at this point, syslog wants to do a DNS lookup on the hostname that's logging "Starting BIND" <@SlayerXP> alas the only resolver configured is...... someone at the back? % < mst> alpha--: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Cdm_hip_implant_348.jpg < hippie> holy crap that looks like a weapon from Fallout. < Altreus> hippie: in the dystopian future we can use mst's corpse for many things. % <@hobbs> Twitter is currently down for <%= reason %>. < triddle> that failure mode is so hard to deal with < nuba> ... finally, after years collecting data, twitter stops to <%= reason %> about it. singularity to follow. % <@dngor> Depression is just common sense crying in the dark with a tub of frosting and a spoon. % * ubu is disgruntled. * apeiron regruntles ubu <@ubu> BRING ME MY GRUNTLES!!! % < phaylon> *sigh* I sugared my coffee twice < phaylon> gotta keep the cat away, or she's gonna go rocket-cat again % < mst> your cat is a sugar junkie. < phaylon> yes, she can also climb like a monkey and thinks her name is "NO!" < mst> ... < phaylon> at least she always answers to that :) % <@BinGOs> I remember when I used to get shit done. <@BinGOs> then ITIL happened. <@BinGOs> apparently the industry best practise is that nothing gets done. % <@PerfDave> Buzzword of the day: "Identity and Asset Management as a Service" (IAMaaS). I Am Arse indeed. % # XXX: this is just about the least efficient way in the # world to do this; I should appologize, but really, # nothing in this module is done particularly well. I # doubt anyone will notice this. % < spb> oh dear, christel having a barbecue? < christel> no! i am ATTENDING ONE! < christel> and i shall NOW GO LOCATE BARBEQUE < spb> you're still going to be smashed again later, aren't you? % < negelirelden> Suicide is just ragequitting life. % I remember you are fond of 'pig flesh'. I've gone and gone proper veggie now (well except for fish) ah, the fish-and-chipocrite approach Oi! That's 'pescatarian' to you, pigmuncher. % <@LeoNerd> Why is it whenever I'm about to say I can't think of a use for some odd behaviour/bug/etc.., someone (and it's often mst) comes up and says they rely on it for something? % * Dorward fills #chat with ballpen balls < dwu> balls \o/ < dwu> ... < dwu> not a word. % < kyriel> I hereby resign from humanity. < castaway> kyriel: well that'll help ;) < kyriel> Glad you think so. * sevvie takes responsibility for 1/7,000,000,000th of the species. % < gbjk> Working from home is awesome, but I just realised I never got dressed today. I've been completely naked for the entire day. < gbjk> I feel like a cross between a porn star and a programmer. % <@sungo> goddamn motherfucking javascript <@mst> javascript fucked *your* mother? <@mst> it's got less taste than I thought <@sungo> it's into sealife, what can I say? % < druthb> My boss buys into a lot of that HR-self-esteem claptrappage, too. I finally told him that the sincerest form of flattery he could give me starts with "Pay to the Order of..." and ends with lots of zeros. % * ilmari cries < ilmari> Failed test 'Found 2 tables', got: '4', expected: '3' % < t0m> I am running MongoDB in production. Woe is me. < t0m> It's really nice for data sets that fit in ram, which you don't mind throwing away < t0m> outside of that, it's less fun :) % <@mako132> don't worry, if you've taken it up the ass once, you never forget. <@sungo> it's just like riding a bike. but dick. % <@scrottie> cheap hosting killed MUD. it became possible for everyone to have their own MUD/MUX/MUSH/whatever, so they did. <@scrottie> being forced to share space and resources with other sociopaths *was* the fun of M* % < zizibird> Dear toothbrush, I would like to inform you that you are not a penis and that hole in my mouth you so eagerly dove into is not a vagina. If you touch there again..I'll hold you over the stove top. Sincerely, Z.K.L.K. % < ether> OH WTF < ether> I'm comaint on App::FatPacker too < ether> I just got the email for my own ticket * ether runs in a circle screaming % < Triplell> they give you these preconfigured machines that you can't edit, and if I delete it, I probably won't be able to get it back, and this is the most frustrating thing since sliced bread.... < Triplell> which makes no sense % < mauke> package Yoda; use parent "Exporter"; our @EXPORT = "try"; sub try (&@) { $_[0]() } < mst> do $_ or do not $_ < LeoNerd> package Klingon; succeed or die; # do not return in failure % <@ew73> I am about 2 minutes away from ordering you a My Little Pony lunchbox. <@ew73> I got you one with a tail. <@dhoss> a REAL tail? because i'm going to throw a fucking fit if it's that polyester horseshit % < theorbtwo> Resistance is futile. < theorbtwo> Your ass will be laminated. < theorbtwo> Your latex fetish will become one with our own. % * dax invades Fuchs's corner with baby foxes < RichiH> corner = arse; baby foxes = baby foxes * dax invades RichiH's corner with artillery < Fuchs> I'll be a dad? % < spb> can you see whether it works < spb> with the password before the one you gave me < dax> spb: doesn't work < spb> never bloody happy are you % <@SlayerXP> I have been invited to a nagios architecture meeting. this meeting is happening after nagios goes live. i appear to be the only person who thinks this is odd. % <@squeeks> You have a soul? <@mst> you're a sysadmin. you surrendered that years ago. <@SlayerXP> i didn't say it was my soul <@DrForr> I have one. I keep it in the kitten bong on my desk. % That's probably the best idea. Doesn't need a lawyer with any skill. It's not like you're charged with serious crime.:-D of course not, I obey the 11th commandment quite strictly Is that the one that says 'don't get caught'? % <@sungo> I AM SO GLAD YOUR DOCUMENTATION IS A TCPDUMP OF A SCRIPT RUNNING * sungo loads a gun % <@rjbs> I love git so fucking much. <@dhoss> then why don't you marry it <@ew73> If you can mary source control systems, next thing you know, fags will be getting married. % -!- phred [~phred@c-24-5-76-9.hsd1.ca.comcast.net] has joined #perl < phred> Is there a Template Toolkit specific IRC channel? <@apeiron> #tt < phred> #thanks % <@Trelane> how do I tell if there's data waiting for me in DBI? <@mst> call fetch and see if your program blocks <@Trelane> Let me phrase that a little better % < nebulous> I hope everyone ignored that last statement, because I was quite wrong. Please enjoy the music while I do a TheManualIsJustFine dance. % < edenc> because no-one has the guts to touch it, except mst :) < apeiron> I would touch it < apeiron> if I knew what it is < apeiron> I would touch it once, decisively, for great justice % < Lexie> ._. coffee is better when it's black. < Lexie> but human milk is not squicky. < Lexie> How can anything that has cannabinoids in it be squicky? * Doc gets mental image of fields of high babies seeking out M&Ms and Snapple % < mst> my problem is I want win32 to not be broken < mst> and I have a horrible feeling that may require me to use it :) <@apeiron> Or hire someone to care. <@apeiron> NOT IT % < epitaph> I've often contended that the religious right and associated groups are in fact postmodern, constructing a semiotic narrative which makes no claim about objective reality, and with an author who is dead. % <@frew> well, I wasn't going for anal, but that's what I was worried about nonetheless % <@sungo> I used to have irssi automatically filter colors out. <@sungo> But it's such a great faggot detector % <@quicksilver> we got you a pony, but we put him on the moon, on the end of a stick <@quicksilver> he asphyxiated % < teejay_pic> it's a bad sign when you see an angry wasp fly out of your underwear and you're relieved it was "just" a wasp sting % <@sungo> dear scientists talking about evolution, the crazies would probably be less crazy if you stopped acting like Nature is an existent sentient entity <@rjbs> but that's how she wants us to talk about her % <@ingy> mst is your cuntryman <@mst> ... NICE TYPO FUCKER <@ingy> and the undisputed cunt of perl <@ingy> :D % <@jjl> mst: you'd think given the messages i typically receive on okcupid that my profile photo was indeed a picture of an erect penis <@mst> jjl: but actually that's just what your face looks like? <@schmooster> jjl: understandable if it's a double-polaroid % <@mst> also responsible for my second favourite perlmonks post ever < rjbs> o? <@mst> http://www.perlmonks.org/?node_id=853445 < joel> fucking MAGnet opers, how do they work? % <@joel> me-- # confused Bernard and Bradley Manning % < apeiron> perlbot, apeiron's philosophy on "can I ask a regex question?" < perlbot> apeiron: Don't come here asking us about non-Perl regex questions, because apeiron will try his hardest to give you a Perl-only solution. % < druthb> The two boys in my house (felinoids) are mean and sneaky. The short-haired one will groom the long-haired one, then go barf on the carpet, and try to pin the blame on his companion. % "Train travel in the UK should be a pleasure, not a headache." AHAHAHAHAHAHA # this, after trying my third site to see if they will fucking accept an overseas card. % < HamIsHurtful> oh mst is a northerner? < rml_home> you say that like it's a bad thing. They are our most fearsome warriors % < quicksilver> this morning the spammers are offering me a pack of three super comfy bras * quicksilver tries to decide if his boobs feel uncomfortable. < Dorward> quicksilver: You could order some nipple clamps to make certain % <@frew> you know your codebase sucks when the first step after perltidy is to delete all comments and pod (because they are all lies) % * cat-xeger wonders if she's still drunk <@kyriel> How many fingers am I holding up? < cat-xeger> four <@kyriel> Nope. You're still drunk. % < castaway> anyone an idea how I can turn 00000004 into 4 in shell script? < idn> expr 0000004 + 0 < apeiron> dc -e '00004 p' < sng> They told me not to pee in the dc. % < huf> i suspect the best approach would implode the universe < huf> we must make do with successively better ones < thrig> to the geneticalgorithmobile! % <@denny> cat is a gateway drug <@denny> to more cat <@denny> it's a sad tale % * denny looks shifty <@denny> I'm not a politician! I just argue with them a lot. <@denny> well, there was that time I ran for Parliament. But that was just an extension of the arguments by other means. % <@itz> Neil Armstrong is dead <@claes> maybe some of the moon probes will carry some of his ashes <@osfameron> they could shoot maggie's ashes into space too. might prevent people queueing up to piss on them % < Rande> That was the rudest I've been yet. "Hello, can I speak to X?" "No. *click*" < Rande> I'd rather them send me junk mail. At least then that's propping up the Royal Mail a bit. % < quicksilver> nice. my NTP source is 'roflcopter.fr' < quicksilver> should I trust a time signal from a laughing frenchman? % <@dhoss> can't. fucking. focus. <@rjbs> same <@rjbs> fuck, I can't even do better than dhoss * dhoss screencaps % < popl> cooking and IRC is probably a bad combination < Botje> 'brb housefire' % < fuzzix> I work in shades < fuzzix> Harsh ceiling lighting. < fuzzix> Someone thought I had a drug problem. < fuzzix> I mean, I do, but the shades are nothing to do with that ;) % < Kassandry> The most fun thing about kids, is that they're someone else's, so you can take them aside, do fun things with them, teach them interesting things, shake them up like cans of pop ... and then hand them back to their parents. % <@sungo> there's shit like coda that has ssh or ftp built-in. but those are IDEs that make me violent <@sungo> as some meme (that I've lost a url to) said: 99 problems and eclipse is all of them. % <@rjbs> replied gloria to cloaxia <@cat-xeger> I keep on thinking I should be able to tell what region she's from by how her sari is tied <@rjbs> I'll ask her when she's not playing piano. % < lee> really, some truly remarkable things happen online < lee> such as running a public url shortener unmaintained for 4 months, and there's only 2 links in the database to shock sites (lemonparty, meatspin; don't google, you'll regret it) % < narcos> Now, what was I originally trying to do < mst> take over the world! < narcos> CPAN says "Cannot install World::Takeover, don't know what it is." < DrForr> maybe *your* CPAN. % <@caitlin> i made a thing with perl. i'm rather shocked <@tomboh> it's nice when that happens :) <@tomboh> assuming you haven't made a hungry shark % <@mst> then ignore me and do what doy said, he's actually right and I'm not * ether scribbles a note: on 2012-09-14, mst said... <@rjbs> later, you will dig up that note, and it will read, in a smudgy scrawl, "I EAT YOUR EYES FIRST" % * apeiron likes his LDAP UID at $WORK * apeiron is UID 1337 % <@mako132> oh fuck I have to be at dinner 20 minutes away in 5 minutes * mako132 & # shit shit shit % < dngor> We should get clackers. They'd help synchronize the audio, too. * mst wants clangers < mst> they'd make great lightning talk timers < castaway> cow bells! % <@frew> all of our servers are elements <@frew> you can refer to them by full name or elemental abbreviation <@frew> hence my computer is w, aka tungsten <@frew> we used handwavium for virtual machines for a while % * dwu is awesome, truly And doesn't have an ego problem at all. works for me :) pah, only because otherwise your ego would take all the duvet. % < idn> The error goes along the lines of "WAAAAAAHHH!!! 500 Internal Server Error! BOOOOOOM!" % Beer in the UK is like a close friend come to visit and provide hugs and a laugh Beer in NZ is like getting in a fistfight out back, that you're not sure if you won or lost % <@f0rk> I need to add a status to the ticket system: "Closed: Fuck You" % <@mordy> python includes batteries, but they are of dubious origin and tend to explode % < quicksilver> "A 360 degree view on penetration testing" < quicksilver> I'd file that under "Special Interest - NSFW" < quicksilver> but sadly it's from a security conference % "Gentlemen, I do not mind being contradicted, and I am unperturbed when I am attacked, but I confess I have slight misgivings when I hear myself being explained." -- Lord Balfour, to the English Parliament % < RodentAFK> cats! < RodentAFK> they are circling me like sharks * random notes that the cats, whatever they are telling mouse, have been fed. < RodentAFK> lying sods % Major premise: All previous AI efforts failed to yield true intelligence. Minor premise: All previous AIs were built without delicious lemon glazing. Conclusion: If we build AIs with delicious lemon glazing, they will work. % < geoff> neural nets are over-rated < starglider> Their potential is overrated. < geoff> their potential is us % <@edenc> basically, I view sql and data mangling like a giant orgy, you put all the records in a query, where they have sex and breed, then you pick up the bastards that do what you want and throw the rest away % * erry bots christel -!- erry [erry@freenode/staff/erry] has quit [Changing host] -!- erry [erry@freenode/utility-bot/erry] has joined #freenode-bootcamp * christel whistles % <@sungo> bleh. was nearly killed on my way home by a guy in a goddamn truck staring at his smart phone. he blew a red light at about 50mph. By the time we both stopped his truck was about a foot from my car <@sungo> but on the upside, I have pocky % <@mst> Added ETHER to co-maintainers of Proc::ProcessTable. <@mst> Added ETHER to co-maintainers of Proc::ProcessTable::Process <@mst> ether++ # give me a shout when you upload the fixed version < ether> mst-- % < kd> ah I've found one of my bugs < kd> I helpfully commented it 9 months ago with # END YUCKY BIT % <+jayne> soon: irssi and emacs merge, because it was the easiest way to teach irssi how to email <+jayne> soon after: someone starts working on a script for text-editing % <@mst> any plan that starts with 'convert from maildir to mbox' is a plan that makes me want to gag the instigator with a lemon < idn> Oh gods no. < idn> I'll drive mst down to London to apply the lemon if you do that % < HuntAFK> And I need to make some bread. Yes... < HuntAFK> I did one the other day, and for the life of me I can't find it. But it is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed, I s'pose % < Su-Shee> why does that trigger spy movies in my head? < DrForr> The spotted owl flies backwards at midnight? < mauke> laden or unladen owl? % * quicksilver struggles to reconcile the four words 'reasonable', 'perl', 'IDE', and 'Windows' % < tp-work> I shall ask twitter, they may be able to help. * pol reads tp-work's last sentence * pol re-reads tp-work's last sentence < pol> Umm % > Why don't you use SNMPv3, which is purpose built for this stuff? And then why don't I find a large glass jar filled with live wriggling cockroaches and compete with my coworkers to see how many of them I can swallow whole? (tptacek replies to mahyarm on HN) % < apeiron> Zynga has been looking nicely fucked for a while now * quicksilver would have thought that if anyone was going to fuck Zynga it would be "roughly, with extreme prejudice" % <@rjbs> "You're going to be fired." <@rjbs> "Fine, I can find another job anywhere!" <@rjbs> "No, you misunderstand. Fired. Like in a kiln." % Shmuel (Seymour J.) Metz wrote: >[...] I want my Internet back from the barbarians at the gate. Internet, hell. I want my Arpanet back. - Brian Kantor % < yano> so i'm in a weird state of mentally being sober but physically still drunk. < christel> that is called "i am too thick to sleep it off" < christel> "and decided to stay up ircing all night instead" % generally when I take part in a "normal" looking democratic process it's because I've already figured out how to subvert it I don't find that they produce useful results otherwise Hey, stop stealing American politics. % <@apeiron> No, mono is quite alive still < crazedpsyc> apeiron: huh, must have been thinking of something similarly annoying that died recently <@apeiron> your hopes and dreams? % * essuu wonders if _Dave is actually an email bot, programmed with just a few standard and inflamatory responses < essuu> "what?", "I don't understand" and "Where's the tea?" % < countertony> There's a place near my dad's house that does really nice kebabs, and then I get a doner with no sauce or salad. < kian> Donner with no salad is cheating. < kian> How is it healthy otherwise? % <@erikh> someone put on their pedantic pants this morning <@perigrin> I am a *nerd* sir ... I sleep in them. % < danaj> I'm envisioning an Acme::Shout module, ala Acme::Bleach, that makes your entire package uppercase. < mauke> UPPERCASE CONSERVES BANDWIDTH BY USING LESS BITS % <@gwern> you've never gotten drunk until you've gotten drunk off egg rolls <@gwern> a good night on the town ends with you face down in the wok and your pockets picked by the egg roll girls % Q: What if you strapped C4 to a boomerang? Could this be an effective weapon, or would it be as stupid as it sounds? (submitted to what-if.xkcd.com) A: Aerodynamics aside, I’m curious what tactical advantage you’re expecting to gain by having the high explosive fly back at you if it misses the target. % <@perigrin> if you want to know in detail how you're doing it wrong, ask a Haskell programmer. % > Though, you get odd treatment [from the TSA] when they realize you're trans. > I had two people, a male and female agent, in Hawaii go "Uhm. You? No. You?" > and my reply was "How about him, because he's cuter." % < yrlnry> You guys are gonna kill me this way. <@mst> yrlnry: totally my fault. <@mst> (the stupid design, not the killing) < yrlnry> ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Outlived Aaron Swartz % In my experience there's only 3 major C++ styles: - BusinessObjects *(Java-ish Qt) - std::cavedwelling >::const_value_type - void _rather_be_writing_c() % “I found a box I can reproduce on” * sward worries % "Still. There's always a way to win." "If I said that, you'd call it wishful thinking." "If you said that, it would be. But I'm saying it, so it's game theory." (from Blindsight, by Peter Watts) % <@mdk> epitaph: summon ^^ * epitaph appears in the circle. Do you think such contrivances can contain me, wizard? % "As a result of a meeting to prioritize the current task list rather than treat it as one huge mountain of everything that has to be done by yesterday, we now have a ranked priority list, with deadlines. Everything is priority one, and needs to be complete ASAP. This is treated as progress." % * theorbtwo wonders if sheep are huggable. * theorbtwo has never been up close and personal with one. % chromatic_x: What's the thing where you can't tell if something is real or a parody? http://t.co/kZFpxU4F pdcawley: @chromatic_x America? % <@apeiron> anyone know if hachi's SMS listed in his oper.conf is still valid? <@apeiron> Suppose I'm about to find out <@sungo> make sure to put COCK in the sms someplace. it's our verification code. % with javascript, it's often best not to think through the 'why' you'll only end up with more murder charges % < jmac> I've burned incense and have a prayer wheel going to have IT install mod_fastcgi, which is a Thing that i Know. So far they have responded by installing mod_fcgid on an entirely different machine. Progress? % my first rule about build systems; the simpler the better programmers like build systems that remind them of themselves suddenly autoconf makes sense. % My porn folder, age 15: C:\windows\desktop\stuff\boring stuff\old boring stuff My porn folder, age 20: C:\program files\utility\xp64\config\temp\0334 My porn folder, age 25: C:\porn (Cliff Pervocracy) % "Most standards are full of weasel words, like SHALL NOT (which means MAYBE) and MUST (which also means MAYBE) and REQUIRED TO (which means MAYBE but you’re supposed to feel a little guilty) and MAY (which means DO SOMETHING FUCKED UP AND RANDOM)." (dadhacker on angry protocols) % <@gwern> 'it's just a wiki', I said. 'how hard could it be to scrape?' I said. 'they seem to follow a rigid format, it shouldn't be that hard.' the poor fool! < MicaiahC> and we never saw gwern again % <+Corey> One /ns sendpass djmatt604 <+Corey> Er. < hydrogen> ooh now you need to reset your persons username! % < Mojito> Giving compliments can never be done enough imho. < joel> I never do it enough < joel> I stop halfway and backhand them < joel> similar to my handjob technique tbh % <@sungo> this is an "if you inject april fools shit here, I /kill you" zone. <@mst> sungo: is injecting april fools shit acceptable if you do it rectally? <@sungo> mst: only if you yell SURPRISE first. % < jnap> I know a guy broke his toe and wasn't sure, did nothing and now he has to wear custom shoes for the rest of his life < jnap> as I recall he dropped his gun on his foot or something while shooting heroin % < edenc> the company that built my closet confused 402cm with 420cm < edenc> then the guy says "oh, 20 cm isn't a big deal" < edenc> and my wife said, right, I'll shove a 2cm dildo up your ass then a 20cm dildo and we'll see if it doesn't make a difference % < tm604> invariant, noun: variable that the sub will modify on the sly. see also: outvariant (a variable that will change value at some unspecified and inconvenient point in the future) % <@apeiron> Declining bacon is suspicious < Su-Shee> it's the heretic belief of bacon being unhealthy. <@hobbs> I don't even know the declension of bacon. % < Mae> I didn't mean for the cat to be pink. she rolled in chalk. x.x ... looking at logs, I think the chalk was a penis drawn on the patio the cat disapproved if by disapproved you mean "rolled in the chalk cock", then yes % <@joel> then again, it's funny how poly people are almost always horribly unattractive <@jjl> joel: i know quite a few pretty ones <@quicksilver> jjl: pieces of eight, pieces of eight! % <@sungo> wait. it's a federal crime to send a letter (or, given many court cases, an *email*) threatening to injure someone? <@sungo> Dear god. I've a 400 year life sentence ahead of me % < LeoNerd> I ended up giving up because curses is SEVEN SHADES OF INSANE % < huf> i want compilers to include a god damned spellchecker service where a man drives up to the office in a tank and KILLS the illiterate bastards < huf> sessionDetialMap <- fucking hell. % <@sungo> oh goddamit. <@sungo> they shipped it via usps <@sungo> I fucking hate the usps <@sungo> I'd rather they ship it via hobos % < apeiron> you can bring the horse to water, you can shove its head underwater, you can send it to the bottom of the Marianas Trench... it has to *want* to drink, really, truly, and for most horses they have to think it's their idea % Student 1: “Before I came to uni, I wanted to be an astrophysicist.” Student 2: “I wanted to be a geneticist.” Student 3: “I wanted to be happy.” (from http://notalwayslearning.com/schoolyard-of-broken-dreams/30803 ) % 1. Is it a lock file? Put it in /var/lock. 2. Do you think it needs to go in /lib/init/rw? Go hit yourself with a lump hammer. Then retry the question. 3. put it in /var/run (the epitaph algorithm for directory choice) % < teejay_pic1> indeed we can only hope you embrace your inner gay pirate as much as we do <@osfameron> embrace it? I'm tenderly humping its leg as we speak. % <@jkg> how could I have missed a 70s custard-eating alien flick? <@jkg> I mean, that's my favourite genre of all! % * quicksilver is momentarily baffled to see a systems ticket about 'BREAST mitigation' go past % < Mae> |: The cat just licked my hand. I'm fairly certain tonight is the night she murders me. <@mst> that or throws up on your face at 3am < Mae> I think I'd rather be murdered % <@ubu> i'm so old i still pronounce SOAP as "OMFG what the hell are you people doing stop that immediately"